Will My Boyfriend Change If He Joins A Fraternity?


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You had it all planned out. The two of you were going to go off to college together. You’d pack up your cars and follow each other down the road to your futures. You’d have a dorm and so would he, but let’s be real, you were planning on staying with him basically every night. You would spend your days hanging out in between class and your nights drinking with your mutual friends and curling up together, talking about how great you were. You knew things would be different from high school, but you were excited for that. More freedom. More sleepovers. More opportunities for romantic moments and adult, no-longer-in-high-school sex.

And then, he announced that he wanted to join a fraternity.

You didn’t get it. Were you not enough? What would it mean? Would he just party all of the time? Would he party with girls all of the time? Would he cheat? He wouldn’t cheat, right? What should you do?

And most importantly, what would happen to your relationship?

So I’m here to help you out. The inside details of what it’ll be like when he gets his letters. What it’ll be like when your boyfriend joins a fraternity. What it’ll be like when your boyfriend isn’t just “yours” anymore.

What You’ll Hate

To start it all off, things are going to change. He’s going to spend a lot of time with new people, and you might feel left out. You’ll be invited to some things, but a lot of stuff won’t include you. And worse, there will be girls there. Between philanthropy events, socials, and just hanging around the house, he’ll be around other females a lot. This is where trust has to come in. He’ll party, and he’ll do things without you, and he might not always be able to text you every second or drop what he’s doing for you. It’s shitty. But it’s also college.

What You’ll Love

There’s a reason guys join fraternities besides just the friends, the parties, and the connections. It’s a lot of fun. And there are a lot of benefits you’ll get just from dating one of the guys. You’ll never have to worry about getting a ride to or from a bar. And drinks? Considering he’ll have brothers working the door and behind the bar, you’ll never really have to pay for those. You’ll always have a seat on the couch at his fraternity house and before long all of his brothers will know, and respect, your name. The other girlfriends in the house will become your friends and before long his brothers will become like family to you. You’ll get invites to his grab-a-dates and learn that there’s nothing in the world better than a fraternity formal. And you know that whole sweetheart thing? Eventually, it might just become a goal of yours.

How He’ll Act

High school boys are wonderful. They’re sweet and nice and they’ll worship the ground you walk on because you have a vagina and sometimes they get to be inside of it. College boys are a little different. With tons of girls and no parental supervision, getting laid isn’t as hard as it was when you lived at home. So odds are, your boyfriend is going to change. You can’t boss him around the way you used too, and you can’t expect to be in contact with each other every second of the day. He might turn into a dick (just being honest). If that happens, you might dump him. You might not. The point is, he’s growing up. He’s in a new place and he’s around a new group of people. It would be strange if he doesn’t change. For some guys, this means getting drunk and being an asshole (and no, this isn’t a fraternity thing. This is a college thing). For other guys it means getting involved, bettering themselves, and opening lots of doors for themselves, and for your relationship. It’s up to him which he’ll be and up to you how you’ll respond.

What He’ll Do

He’s going to go to parties with girls. Parties that you’re not invited to. He’s going to drink and he’s going to go out and he’s not going to tell you every place he goes. I know. It’s annoying. He’s going to make a lot of new friends and get involved with things you didn’t know he was interested in before (why does he have to do floor hockey when he could be watching Netflix with you?). He’s going to do things he can’t even tell you about and he’s going to spend every Sunday night in a chapter room instead of with you. He’s going to do dumb stuff and he’s going to do stuff you’re really proud of. Being in a fraternity doesn’t mean he’ll become a jerk or cheat on you. It does mean he’ll have more freedom and more opportunities and more situations where you’ll have to trust in your relationship so you don’t go insane.

What You Should Do

It’s going to be shocking, I’m not going to lie. You’ll be confused and hurt when he turns you down to hang out to spend time with his brothers. You’ll get jealous when he gets paired up with some hot girl for Greek week. But now, more than ever, is the time to be supportive. Do you best to be calm and accept the fact that he’s changing. That’s what college is all about. And while he’s busy meeting new people and having fun, try to do the same. Whether it’s with your roommates, or in a new club, or
you yourself decide to rush, do something. Because I promise if you’re resistant, if you’re bitchy, and if you’re controlling, you won’t have to worry about your boyfriend being in a fraternity for long. You won’t have a boyfriend to worry about anymore.

So in short, yes. Your boyfriend is most likely going to change. But guess what? So will you. That’s what college is all about. Maybe he’ll change for the worse, in which case get out. Now. He’s not worth it and college is full of hot guys and wonderfully bad decisions. But the changes can also be great. You’ll meet new people, have fun things to do, and get to grow together. It’s up to you how you want to handle the situation. Do your best not to lose your cool and everything should be fine.

And if it doesn’t work, don’t worry. You’re in college. There’s no better place in the world to be single. Trust me, you got this.

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(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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