Woman Makes Miraculous Recovery At 5 PM After All Day Hangover


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Hangovers are the main cause of “death” in sorority women. To be clear, no one has actually died from a hangover, but sorority women “literally die” every weekend from drinking too much the night before. Hannah Stevens was no different. After taking a few shots while getting ready, pregaming at her favorite frat that always has Jungle Juice, and hitting the bars, Hannah drank her friends, and herself, under the table. She and her roommates safely Ubered home after Hannah stood in front of the car and read the license plate of the car out loud to everyone on the street “just in case.”

The next morning, the sun beamed through her blinds, sending light straight into her face. She has always had a history of waking up early the day after drinking.

“It had to have been around 8:14 a.m. At first, I thought I was still dreaming. For a split second, the hangover didn’t set in, and I thought that I was in the clear. That is, until I opened my eyes, and I knew that it was going to be a rough day,” Hannah told TSM.

First came the searing pain in her skull. It radiated from behind her eyes out to her temples. She had already laid out Advil and a glass of water for herself, as this is a recurring circumstance. But as soon as she took a sip of water, something didn’t feel right.

“I don’t usually throw up, so I didn’t know what was going on. I knew something was wrong”

Although she can fight off the puke, an ability envied by all of her friends, it seems as though she didn’t eat enough dinner the night before. She trudged to the bathroom to pee, but the time that she got there, she was already throwing up. She laid back down in her bed to try to sleep it off, and after an hour or so, she felt a little bit better.

“I thought it was just a one time thing, and boy, was I wrong.”

Hannah proceeded to throw up every 20 minutes for the next five hours.

“Around 2 p.m., I nibbled on a piece of toast that my roommate brought me, and I have never regretted anything more in my life.”

Between her pounding headache and incessant nausea, it seemed like she was never going to get a nap in. But around 3:30, she took a drooling nap on her couch after her seventh episode of Parks and Rec. An hour and a half later, Hannah woke up with a kink her neck and a familiar feeling in her stomach: hunger.

“It was so surreal. I know I’ve been hungry before, but after the hangover, I thought I was never going to be able to eat again. It was so freeing.”

She jumped up and ran to her kitchen, making and devouring an entire box of Easy Mac. She had regained the personality that she possessed before the Hangover. She was finally back to being Hannah.

“This experience has taught me to never drinking again. Or at least not that much.”

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to sratbroTSM@gmail.com or by smoke signal.

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