Woman Sent To Hospital After Three-Hour Orgasm

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Nice Move

“Ugh. My orgasm lasted too long this morning. So annoying.” -No one in the history of the universe. Until recently.

Liz and Eric, the exciting young couple they are, recently decided to squeeze in a quick romp in the sack before work. They had a grand ole time. He came. She came. And she kept on coming. For three hours. I repeat, she had an orgasm for THREE HOURS. Eric stepped away to get ready for work while his lady squealed and moaned in pleasure (because he’s a gentleman), and once he was ready to go, she still wasn’t done.

Liz tried jumping up and down and drinking wine to calm her nerves, but NOTHING would stop her from orgasming. She was rushed to the ER, where onlookers memorized her “O” face (your parents were right! If you make a funny face for too long, you really can get stuck like that!) until she was treated. Her orgasm eventually came to an end.

I just have to say…of all the problems to have, this really doesn’t seem like the worst one. Frankly, I feel a little frustrated by that. It’s hard enough for (some) women to have an orgasm, and Liz is just over there hogging one up for three hours? What gives? It’s like when God was giving out female orgasms, he just didn’t distribute them evenly. YOU GET AN ORGASM! YOU GET AN ORGASM! AND YOU GET AN ORGASM! *Viewer pauses television for three hours* Liz gets a three-year supply of six-second orgasms in one dose, and God doesn’t have enough for the rest of us. Not cool.

Our moaning Liz-a (a stretch, I know, but I love cheesy plays on words, and I’m the writer here — deal with it) and her partner Eric will be featured on TLC’s show “Sex Sent Me To The ER,” because of course TLC has a show called “Sex Sent Me To The ER.”

Here’s a clip of the reenactment of her, err, episode.

[via NY Daily/a>]

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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