World’s Oldest Woman Says She’s Still Alive Because She Stayed Single

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Men drive us crazy. From leaving their beard hair all over the sink when they shave to forgetting to call when they say they’re going to, I’ve long accepted that my insanity is due – ok, at least in part – to my boyfriend. In addition to driving us crazy on a daily basis, it turns out that men might actually be making us die earlier, in which case, we should probably just stop caring about what they think from now until forever.

Emma Morano turned 117 today, officially making her the oldest human on Earth, which is a seriously impressive feat. Of course, everyone is dying to know how she did it, and her answer is the best of all time. Emma credits her longevity to being single. PREACH. Emma’s been single since 1938 — so, for 78 straight years — when she left her abusive husband. Now, Emma’s the oldest person alive, and the only human alive today that lived during the 1800s, and she credits reaching this huge milestone to being single, going to bed early, and eating cookies. Honestly, if I didn’t have a hero before today, I certainly do now.

So, the next time you’re irritated about a guy not texting you back, refusing to pick pumpkins with you, or wear the perfect sweater for your December profile pic, just let it go. After all, what good is a couples’ holiday Instagram shoot when you can hang out with your girlfriends instead, survive on baked goods, go to bed before the sun goes down, and still live to be the world’s oldest human? Honestly, this puts everything in perspective. Sorry boys, but if you want us, you’ll have to start stepping up your game, because we officially just realized that while we might be dying alone, we’re at least going to do it when we’re 117 years old.

[via Business Insider]

Image via Antonio Calanni | Associated Press

RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at RecruitChairTSM@gmail.com

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