Level 2: Well, This Is Awkward
8. Everyone Hates Me
Similar to complaining about your dead dog, but way less endearing, once you reach that special level of drunk, you can’t help but wonder why everyone in the world hates you. Is it because you’re ugly? Annoying? Because you’re the girl crying in the bar while everyone else is trying to get some? Despite the fact that your best friend will be there, assuring you that no one hates you, you’ll still end the night feeling like shit and throwing up in the back of a car. And then next morning it will be hard to determine which is worse: your hangover or the damage control you have to do so everyone doesn’t *actually* hate you.
7. Some Sort Of Misguided Insult
It always happens once you’ve passed the point of happy drunk and your eyes start drooping and the monster inside of you starts huffing. You call your best friend a bitch. You say that the guy you’re with sucks in bed. You call the doorman a dick even though he let you in with an obviously fake ID. You don’t know why you’re saying it, but something about the person pissed you off, and you went in for the kill. Your sexual experimentative friend becomes a slut. That guy you like becomes a dick. And that girl who said you should probably drink some water becomes a little baby back bitch. While it’s one of the shitter ways an evening with friends can go, it’s not uncommon. Still, it’ll be pretty uncomfortable, and take more than a half-hearted text apology to make them forgive you.
6. Do You Think You Could Marry Me Lol?
One of the scarier and more cringeworthy directions a conversation can go, this one is reserved for your boyfriend or the guy who you wish was your boyfriend. For some reason marriage is on your mind (could it be because of the 2,789 engagements you saw in Facebook today?) and you need answers. Now. This could end up working out well for you, and you find out that the the guy of your dreams is down to plop on one knee and hand you a chunk of diamond. Or you could end up scaring the poor SOB off. Either way, the results of this are going to big no matter what. I’d say avoid this conversation if you can, but once rings and lifelong commitment are on your mind and vodka is urging you on, there’s usually no backing out of this one.
5. Where Is This Going?
The only thing worse than asking a guy you’re dating if you’re getting married is asking a guy you’re not dating if you should be dating. You don’t know if he even really likes you, and yet you’re going to ask whether or not he’s down to stop talking to other females. You’ll bring this up while you’re in the center of the dance floor or after you catch him checking out another girl, and you’ll realize you need answers and you need answers now. It doesn’t matter that you’ve only been talking for a few weeks. And it doesn’t matter that you don’t even really want a boyfriend. Because after a few too many shots and staring at couples making out, you’ll demand an answer from him and you’ll wake up either in a relationship or alone and blocked from his Instagram account.
Nice Move769
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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