You Can Now Contour Your Vagina Because Unrealistic Standards Of Beauty Don’t Stop At Your Waistline


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You Can Now Contour Your Vagina And It's Just As Weird As It Sounds

Girls are weird and we do weird things. There. I said it. Sometimes it’s for the LOLs, other times it’s just to get laid, but mostly it’s all in the name of beauty. We go on weird diets and take weird yogalates classes and we wax our buttholes with no real intentions of ever doing #buttstuff. And we do weird things with our makeup — we contour, and we strobe, and we bake until our skin looks as flawless as what I assume baby Beyoncé did 33 years ago.

Now, whether it be because the wind changed directions or simply just because one of us woke up feeling bloated this morning, there’s a new weird trick in town: vagina contouring, or “Vontouring,” if you will (I won’t).

It’s more official name, Intima Protégé, is a non-invasive, non-surgical labioplasty designed to ‘correct the external look of vagina’ by using an ultrasound to stimulate collagen production via the application of ‘intensive heating’ applied to the vaginal opening.” Long story short, it’s supposed to increase the flexibility of the labia majora and minora for “significant and long-lasting improvement of sexual satisfaction,” because nothing screams “SEX ME!” quite like having a vag that could try out for the U.S. Olympic team.

So, if pushing an entire person out of your happy hole one day doesn’t sound appealing enough for you, you can now go find someone to apply intense heat down there so your vagina can look like a vagina. The more you know.

[via Cosmopolitan]

Image via Shutterstock

My state gave you J. Law, Clooney, two-fifths of the Backstreet Boys, and multiple fifths of bourbon. The SEC is better, Beyoncé is my Jesus, and one time I wrote a cover letter using Brian McKnight lyrics. Psuedo-adult by day; PGP, TFM, and TSM contributor by night. Please don't ask me to do math.

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