Friendship is the best gift you could ever give someone. The solace of having a person to lean on, to trust, to laugh with, to cry with. When you can connect emotionally with another human on a deeper level, that’s something that is worth cherishing. It’s not every day that you can find someone who will treat with such a high regard, let alone any ounce of respect. Every day that you are able to, give someone the gift of friendship, but reconsider giving advice.
Usually, good advice is regarded by someone who can step out of a situation and look at it objectively. Once you remove your emotions, you can have a more clear and conscious decision making process. But literally anyone can do that. You don’t have to be Dr. Phil to realize that maybe you shouldn’t take bong rips before you drag your way to class, even if it’ll calm you down for your test. You don’t have to get a degree in psychology to see that if you’re pissed off at your roommate, maybe it’s not the best idea to clean your toilet bowl with her toothbrush. Unless you were professionally trained to give advice or you have birthed a child, there is little to no validity to your advice. It is based off of not only your opinions, but your perception of what is happening. Basically, bitch, you don’t know my life. It’s a double edged sword: you don’t fully understand a situation unless you are involved, but when you are involved in the situation, you don’t fully understand how to handle it without letting your feelings get the best of you. Feelings don’t have to deal with love or hate, it could just be you don’t feel like doing it. So you could lecture someone all you want about how if they don’t work out they can get fit, but without intrinsic motivation, your words will be muffled by the sound of them crunching on the chips they refuse to put away.
Unfortunately, being broken up with does not give you the world’s wisdom. While we are all so glad that you have clearly become such a well adjusted person since your most recent hookup didn’t text you back and in the long run he taught you self-worth, we do not want to hear it. If every open letter written by a woman scorned was printed out an stacked one on top of the other, it would probably reach the sun. Which is a good thing because then all of them would be burned. There is no such thing as good relationship advice, especially when it’s generic AF. Wow, I could just break up with him and find someone new who treats me better? I just have to love myself first? Did the good Lord tell you that himself? That’s absolutely life-changing.
Consider this: how often do you actually take someone else’s advice? Not just ask around until you find advice that matches your standing intentions, but someone gave you their opinion on a subject and you whole heartedly followed it. Probably never, and that’s human nature. We are wired to “know what’s best for ourselves” when many times, we are the once dragging ourselves down. We text that guy we’re not supposed to, we forgive that friend even after she hooked up with someone who had explicitly called dibs on, we go out instead of staying in and studying. Because no matter what anyone else says, we are going to do what we want. Hearing an outside perspective can give you a better idea of the consequences of your actions, but ultimately you are the one that has to make the decision, and you will pick what you want.
This doesn’t mean we all need to stop giving each other advice completely. It’s an act of compassion and caring. It shows that you are so invested in the other person’s life that you are willing to take time to stop thinking about yourself and consider someone else’s feelings. For a brief moment, you are willing to stop talking about yourself, and instead offer an explanation of yourself in a hypothetical situation similar to your friend’s. Lend them your ear and offer your most earnest advice when asked for it. Just know that as much as your friend appreciates your guidance and attention, you suck at it..
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Ali Hin
A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to [email protected] or by smoke signal.
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