Your Credit Card Statement: An Unavoidable Monthly Doom


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Nice Move

Each month, we face the anxiety that comes with awaiting our sworn enemy. No, not that monthly enemy, ladies. I’m talking about your credit card statement. Just typing those three words sends shivers down my spine.

On the morning of the dreaded document’s arrival, you wake up, and everything seems to be going well. You decide to go to the mall to reward yourself for working so hard in school, until suddenly, your phone rings. It’s your mother. You have know idea why she’s calling, but as you hand your dad’s platinum AMEX to the sales associate at Neiman Marcus it dawns on you: Shit. That crazy bitch just saw my credit card statement.

“Hi, Mom! How are you? How’s everything going?” you say, calmly, as if you are blissfully unaware of the verbal lashing you’re about to endure.

“Well, we have a bit of a problem here.”

“Oh? How do you mean?” you cringe.

“Your credit card bill just came in.” Here it comes. “$7,241.08. Are you fucking insane?! Who spends over $7,000 in one month! Your spending is out of control, young lady, and we need to have a serious talk about this. Just because you have money, doesn’t mean you spend it all. This behavior is completely irresponsible!”

You try to come up with a few excuses, but you know you can’t justify spending over $1,000 per week. All the while, fully aware that a cashier literally just swiped your card. There goes next month.

The grueling conversation finally ends, and you’ve never been happier to stop talking to a person. That was more painful to deal with than some gargoyle-faced loser who has the audacity to try to dance with you at a party.

I still remember the first time my dad let me use his gold card. My friend and I were going to the mall and I was given a $50 limit, which is pretty manageable when you’re 11 years old. It was the first time I used his card, and the first time I spent more than he told me I could. The guilt that comes with over-spending loomed over me like the teacher who won’t go away when you’re trying to cheat on a test. I vividly remember telling my older sister that I didn’t like using our parents’ cards and I felt guilty doing so. She simply replied, “You’ll get over it.” And I did. I used that shiny little magic card more and more, and the guilt faded away.

Since the sixth grade, my spending’s gotten worse and worse. Still, my parents gave me a platinum AMEX as a high school graduation gift, and the arguments have pretty much been monthly ever since. I’ve learned it’s best not to think about it until it’s actually happening. You can’t very well hide the statement each month. Obviously. Someone needs to pay it, or your funds will cease to exist. There’s really no avoiding the conversation, unless maybe you stick to the limit your parents have set for you, but that’s just not realistic. Instead, you just keep making the same mistake, fully convinced that it’s their mistake for trusting you with the card, and hope they don’t slaughter you at the end of the month…or worse, cut you off.



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    • -16
      Jon M Fratsman

      This. I mean, 7 grand during the month of Spring Break is one thing, but in January or February? Are you participating in the trading of humans?

      Pretty sure you could buy a handle of top-shelf booze daily and clean out Brooks Brothers every other week and STILL not hit 7 grand in a month.

      ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago
  1. -19
    right or wrong

    This is why women are stupid. this is why then need to be kept on a leash. you are a shitstain of a dughter and a dumass wasteing that much. with a litte fortitude and smart investing you could make 7k a month on your own from the money you have been blessed with. do yourself a favor stop being a no good teet sucking parental wefare leach, and act like an adult.

    ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago
    • -15

      Yeah I do agree. I have a job and make my own money. I don’t agree with the girls who use their daddy’s credit card to spend ridiculous amounts of money on ridiculous things and perpetuate the stereotype that we are ALL that ridiculous and that ignorant of the value of a dollar. If I want something, I buy it myself, except on the relatively rare occasion that my parents are feeling generous and give me some cash when they come to visit or something. But good lord, at least spellcheck before throwing insults. No need to be nasty about it.

      ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago
    • -22

      DGPC11_anchorlove missed *teat and *leech. Also, I agree that this particular woman is an idiot. However, extrapolating that obvious fact to “women are stupid,” implying that every person who was born with a vagina is stupid (and that every person who was born with a penis is too smart for this type of entitled behavior) is ridiculous and ignorant.

      ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago
    • -26
      right or wrong

      so you agree with my point? because if the only thing you can nitpick is grammar then i guess my post was right.
      and if i’m going to insult someone i’ll do it my way… even if it means incoherently babbling while slightly intoxicated.

      ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago