Your Man Definitely Doesn’t Need A Magnum Condom


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Nice Move


If like me, you weren’t sexually active until you got to college, you probably imagined your first sexual experience would go something like this: You’d be getting hot and heavy with a guy who loved you and looked like a young Orlando Bloom with the abdominal muscles of Channing Tatum à la “Magic Mike.” He would gently push your hair off your face as he pulled a condom out of his pocket, easily slip it on, and then make sweet, painless love to you in the moonlight.

Instead, it probably went something like this: you’d been dating for a couple of months, splitting your time between watching Netflix in your dorm, going to the dining hall, and drinking cheap beer at his frat house. You’d casually be making out, enjoying yourself when all of the sudden you were very horizontal and very horny. Your boyfriend would then optimistically withdraw a Magnum, struggle to open it, realize it didn’t fit, claim he definitely needed them and that this one was just a dud, and then use one of the normal sized Trojans you’d swiped from the campus health center.

Even as an unexperienced 18-year-old with no boyfriend creds to her name, I knew that the chances of this guy needing a Magnum were basically zilch. And now science, my old frenemy, is here to back me up.

According to the Condom Learning Depot, the average size for an XL condom, like a Magnum, is 2.25 inches wide and 8.1 inches long. While condoms tend to be a little bit long in order to provide more leeway for rolling ‘em up, that’s still pretty fucking big. Compare that with regular, which come in varying widths, but tend to be about 6.3 inches long and a Magnum seems pretty much insane.

The average sized penis for American men is about five and a half inches, and say what you want about me, but I have never had a problem with average. I am an average looking girl, in an average sorority, at an average university. That is the perfect sized penis to take, wrap in a regular condom, and have a relaxing and relatively painless sexual experience with. If a guy tells me he needs a Magnum, I am taking a full on sprint for the hills.

Wearing a condom that is too large for your junk is the number one way to guarantee it slips off and causes an unexpected pregnancy or some transfer of STI. Next time a dude insists he needs a Magnum, or God forbid, is too large to fit into condoms, pop out a ruler and offer to measure that D, because it’s probably just not true.

[via Cosmopolitan]

Image via Shutterstock

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