Do Your Boyfriend A Favor And Tell Him Your Valentine’s Day Expectations

Do Your Boyfriend A Favor And Tell Him Your Valentine’s Day Expectations

Last night, at 11:11pm, I made a special wish to the universe. I didn’t ask for world peace or universal happiness, or anything stupid like that. I begged the childhood magical Gods to grant me the freedom from having to hear my friends bitch about how their Valentine’s Day didn’t meet their expectations. Again. Because, if we’re being totally honest, I can’t do another year of listening to how Chad didn’t do “enough” after you refused to give any inclination as to what you wanted.

“I just really hope he gets me flowers. Otherwise I honestly will be really mad at him,” one friend will vent to me.

“Well, did you tell him you want flowers?”

“No. He asked, but I said that I didn’t care either way. I just don’t want to seem high-maintenance, you know?”

Well, no. I don’t know. Because not only will pulling this shit with him show that you are high-maintenance, it will also prove that you try to hide it (unsuccessfully) and are also a fucking psychopath. Trust me. Every single guy on Earth would rather be told “I want X, Y, and Z” ahead of time rather than “you should have gotten me X, Y, and Z” after the fact. And guess what? You’ll prefer it too, because you’ll actually get what you want.

I know, I know. You want him to do it because he wants to do it for you, not because you asked. But the truth is he probably doesn’t want to do it, and no matter how much you passive aggressively fight with him, you’re never going to change how his brain works. Let go of the fact that you want him to be a Nicholas Sparks character and give him the tools he needs to succeed.

Sure, it’s less romantic that he didn’t think of taking you on a wine tour all on his own, but it definitely is more romantic than drinking wine with your friends, crying about how that asshole believed that you didn’t want to do anything. Think about it like this: Santa is the most magical man of them all, and even he needed a detailed list from you.

If him “surprising” you is really that important, then tell him that. But you still have to throw him a bone. If you say “surprise me” and give no level of expectation, he’s going to stress, which also isn’t fair. When instead you could say “I definitely want some sort of gift and a nice dinner, but you should also do something little and cute too!” And he’ll feel so much better. Extra points if you just send him the direction of your best friend. She’s got this, she’ll help him out.

Fuck acting chill when you’re clearly not. It’s okay to be high-maintenance. It’s only not okay to lie about it and then expect your friends to be there to pick up the pieces when he really didn’t do anything wrong. Take control of your relationship and ask for the fucking flowers, Jessica.

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Blondie excels at being an underachiever. She is currently trying to add an extra year onto her undergrad so she can continue to down $7 bottles of wine in an environment that encourages her erratic behavior. After graduation, she has big plans to flunk out of a prestigious law school. Email her compliments and Netflix suggestions at EDIT** if you suggest Black Mirror she's already seen it. So stop suggesting it. Seriously. Please stop suggesting it.

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