10 Things Nobody Tells You About Cheating


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Nice Move


Plenty of girls I know are cheaters. Everyone turns to point fingers at the the first human they see with a penis when the “C word” is mentioned but let’s be real, girls cheat just as much as guys. Well maybe like half as much. But if you try to defend our gender by saying 100 percent of women are faithful, just know you are an ignorant liar who has clearly never watched Gossip Girl. I know the word “cheater” sounds harsh, but let’s all grow up for two seconds and accept the fact that sometimes shit happens. It does’t make it right, but that’s life. Maybe your boyfriend isn’t as blessed “down there” as you pretend he is during sex, or maybe you are just drunk and bored and hit it off with some rando on Bumble. Whatever the reason is, just be aware you will unintentionally fuck yourself over at a later date because cheating is actually bad and karma will get you. That being said, here are the top ten reasons why cheating will turn you into a low key psycho.

  1. You will become clingy to your boyfriend out of guilt.
    It’s common knowledge that guys hate clingy, but the first time you see your man after cheating on him you will try and overcompensate for the guilty feeling in your head.
  2. You will hug him and kiss him and touch him and compliment him nonstop.
    Sounds fine until it’s a total fucking overkill.
  3. You will do anything it takes to keep him from having any doubts or suspicions about you possibly being attracted to anyone else.
    “OMG babe have I told you how sexy you are when you burp? You are always just soo sexy. I don’t know how anyone could be sexier than you!”
  4. You will be paranoid as fuck.
    Every time you go in public you will literally look insane because you are always scoping to make sure “he” doesn’t walk into the same restaurant as you and your boyfriend.
  5. You will extend numerous invites to your boyfriend for home cooked meals.
    Your conscience says you have to give your man something more than what you are giving your fuck buddy. But three steak dinners a week gets kind of fucking expensive.
  6. You will start offering to give your boyfriend regular BJs.
    Feeling guilty? What better way to make him not suspicious of your “extra curricular activities” than by voluntarily sucking his D?
  7. And giving him spontaneous massages.
    If you rub him down, it’s sort of like you didn’t rub some other guy down, right?
  8. You will start buying him gifts.
    Because gifts scream “I was totally thinking about YOU today while I was shopping today and not the ripped basketball player who is going to sneak into my room tonight after you leave.”
  9. You will start agreeing to his crazy sexual fantasies.
    You can’t let the boyfriend suspect that you don’t find him and everything he says to be perfect. So, hello threesome.
  10. You will gain fifteen pounds from vodka and ice cream.
    Because your boyfriend will find out you cheated and will dump your ass and you will be forced to fall asleep cuddling Bluebell and Tito’s cause your fuck buddy just wants to hook up and not date you or even spoon.

And none for the cheaters, bye.

My life is pretty much one big awkward embarrassing moment. Dream-self is a cross between Amy Schumer and Serena Van der Woodsen. I like LITs a little too much and am standards board's worst nightmare. If you don't party on Tuesdays then what's the point of college..? Feel free to email me funny stories and Memes because I love to laugh and there's a chance I might be able to make you laugh too. blondeboozy@gmail.com xo

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