It’s that time of the year again. Summer is already more than halfway over, and so bored of being home with your parents that you’re actually excited to go back to school. Well, not school, but definitely campus. You miss the smell of alcohol seeping out of your pores in the mornings, you miss your sisters (even the annoying ones), and even your rival sorority. They always kept things interesting, those bitches.
Undoubtedly, we all love school shopping. You would think it’s boring, but for some strange reason we love it. I think we love it because it is shopping, after all, and there’s no way that you won’t find “your size” in a package of gel pens. Everyone is a size zero when they go school shopping, it’s great. However, back to college shopping is a little different than your average school supply list. Here are a few things you definitely need to pick up before the new semester starts:
If you’re in a sorority, you going to have a million things going on at once. Mixers, formals, date events, and oh yeah, actual school assignments and tests. You’re going to need to get organized. I know, I know, everyone and their mom gets a Lilly planner. While those planners are super cute, one brand everyone overlooks when it comes to planners is Kate Spade. There are a ton of different designs, like this gold dots one, or if you’re more into the classic look, this black striped one is perfect. There is also this cutesy one, or this one with a quote on the cover. No matter how together you think you are, there’s no way you can remember all the things you have to do in a week. Write everything down. It’ll keep you organized and most importantly, stress free.
2. Skinny hangers
Those wire hangers they give you with your dry cleaning are peasantry. Your closet, and your clothes deserve an upgrade. These skinny felt hangers keep all those spaghetti strap tops from falling off, and since they’re skinny you can fit a lot more clothes in your tiny closet. All those silky, slippery tops that look so good on you but are a bitch to keep hung will stay put. They’re sturdy enough to hang your jeans on, if you have some strange desire to hang your jeans. This might seem like an exaggeration, but these hangers are the shit and will totally up your closet game. Get 100, because the worst thing is running out of hangers and having to double up your tank tops. Trust me, I’ve been there.
3. School bag
Let’s be real. Those flimsy over the shoulder bags are cute, but such a pain to carry, and I think the constant weight on my right shoulder gave me a slight lean. You need something a little more heavy duty. This North Face backpack is super cute, comes in a ton of different colors (my personal favorite is the grey and mint), and has a sleeve for your laptop. Your shoulders will thank you.
If you don’t have a flask, do you even srat? The answer is no. Every girl needs a flask, for reasons you won’t discover until you have a flask. This one is pink and holds eight ounces of liquor, or wine, or jungle juice, whatever you choose to fill it with. I used to sneak a flask in my boot during football games, and it definitely came in handy.
5. Beer bong
Just because it’s called a beer bong doesn’t mean you can’t replace the beer with wine. This beer bong is also pink and adorable, and it’ll turn your pre games from lame to endlessly entertaining. Okay, so you don’t absolutely need this, but admit it, you want it. Come on, you only college once.
6. Ear plugs
This one is probably the most practical. Whether you’re in a dorm or the house, if you’re sharing a room there are going to be times where you want to murder your roommate for being too loud. Maybe she came home drunk. Maybe she forgot she shared a room with another person and brought her one night stand back to her place instead of going to his like a normal girl. Maybe you’re trying to study for a major test and she’s trying to drink. Invest in a pair like these and you can stop yourself from committing a felony before you even graduate college.
7. Unbreakable Wine Glasses
I started last year strong with six wine glasses. It’s July, and now I only have two left. By the time I move out in August, I’m willing to bet that I’ll be down to just one. I’m not even that clumsy, I only broke one, my two drunk friends broke two, and the dishwasher broke one. Bottom line, unless you want to repurchase wine glasses fifty million times, just get some like these that are made of Tritan and completely shatterproof. I don’t understand how or why, but they are. You and your drunk ass friends can try all you want, but these babies won’t break. Aren’t we #blessed to live in a world where things like this exist?
Ladies, I’m going to be real. You can’t depend on a guy to be 100% prepared in the condom department all the time. It sucks, but guys are pretty aloof creatures as is, and they most definitely will forget once or twice. If you get to the point where you ask him if he has a condom, you’re probably already getting hot and heavy and won’t want to stop. If he’s unprepared but still wants to bone, he’s betting on that fact that your libido will trump your ten years of health classes. Joke’s on them, because you will have this pleasure pack of 40 condoms. Why pleasure pack? Because you’re a classy bitch, that’s why. If you don’t want to be “that girl who has condoms,” here’s a tip. Hide some in your room, and also your roommate’s room, so when he says “I don’t have a condom,” you can be all, “I think my roommate has some,” and then go into her room and take her (your) condoms. She can also pull the same trick with you when she has a gentleman caller over. It’s a win-win situation.
If you don’t have a vibrator, you need one. And if you’re one of those girls that “doesn’t do that,” you should probably start. Get this one. Thank me later.
10. Colorful Pens
On those rare occasions that you actually go to class, and even more rarely, take notes, colorful pens are a must. Why? No idea. It just makes taking notes better. These come with a million colors to color code your notes, because if you’re going to take notes, they’re going to be cute. But let’s be real. You’ll just use these to doodle with.
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