Parents Weekend. For the freshmen, this will be a glorious reunion after what is usually the longest time apart from their parents, so far. As an upperclassmen, it’s a chance to tailgate, gossip with your mom, and destroy other Dad-Daughter teams in beer pong.
Thinking back on all the years we’ve had together (so, you know, my whole life), I can say with certainty that I would not be the woman I am today without them. I can also say with certainty that they would not be the people they are today without me. I shaped them into the responsible, smart, funny, and all around great people you see today. Daughters do that to parents. They are so lucky to have us.
We Keep Them Grounded.
Starting at infancy, we vomit our entire bottle over their brand new shirt, and teach them humility as they have to wear that shirt for the rest of the day.
We Keep Them In Check.
We point out that one nose hair on our dad’s face that is just staring right back at us, because we all know our mom won’t have the heart to do it.
We Keep Them Active.
Our dads are our first coaches. They teach us how to throw, hit, kick, score, and run. And then when we are older, we mock our dads about how they are too old to throw, hit, kick, score, and especially run.
We Keep Them In Style.
We’ve seen their old pictures. If their giant ’80s hair is any indication of their susceptibility to fashion trends, they are blessed to have us around. Tuck the shirt in or leave it out? How about throw it out. You are wearing it in that picture of my first day of kindergarten. We let them know that sometimes, it’s style over comfort. Doesn’t matter how comfy they are, any species of Crocs are not appropriate.
We Keep Them Economically Stable.
If they didn’t spend all their money on us, they would probably be driving an embarrassing mid-life crisis convertible. So you’re welcome.
We Keep Them Down To Earth.
Our abrupt proclamations about the tattoo we are considering awakens them from their daily meditations: “Let’s see her student debt is now $60,000. If I work until I am seventy and pay $700 a month…” We can’t let them suffer in the internal musings and burdens.
We Keep Them On Their Toes.
Daughters snap dads out of long range worries with more tangible immediate worries, like the toilet overflowing. We keep our moms’ senses keen by requiring them to know where everything in the house is at all times. I have too much on my plate to remember where my keys AND phone are.
Any Facebook Post Is Edited By Us.
The picture of the whole family with a synopsis of what we did that weekend is definitely not what people want to read. A simple caption with a witty dad joke at the end will do. Also, we try to stop them from starting conversations in the comments of a picture that I am tagged in and not pictures I posted. There is a huge difference.
We Always Know Who That Woman From That Show They Like Is.
Because we know names are hard for you. Ask any of my friends. Any of them.
Daughters Are An In-Home IT Department.
We attempt to teach our moms how to DVR their shows and our dads that emojis are an art form and should be used sparingly.
We Remind Them To Keep It Simple.
Although their employees listen to their stories with solid eye contact, the tale doesn’t deserve more than a nod and a mocking tweet. We call them on their bullshit and they sheepishly thank us for it.
We Keep Them Hip.
Parents aren’t always up on the new lingo, and we can’t blame them for that. We (not so) patiently explain “being together” is not the same as “boyfriend and girlfriend,” “ratchet” is no longer just a tool that also known as a “socket wrench,” and a “bae” is not a body of water.
We Love Them Unconditionally.
Even when they leave the door open after they come into our room..