There are few movies I identify with more than Confessions of a Shopaholic. Rebecca Bloomwood’s love of all things fashion (especially expensive fashion on sale) speaks to me on a spiritual level. The way she rationalizes each insane purchase in ways so crazy that they actually make sense, is literally me. And it’s probably a lot of you, too.
I’ve been open about my current shoe addiction, but in reality, it’s so much more than that. When I see a sale, my heart skips a beat. I get this high that’s so much better than any of the drugs I’ve taken or any of the orgasms I’ve had. All I think about is how I can tenuously justify these extravagant purchases, especially considering I’m a semi-broke college student who still doesn’t have a full-time postgrad job. These reasonings are flimsy at best, but I call bullshit on anyone who says they’ve never used one of these to validate something completely frivolous.
- This is a classic piece that will never go out of style. If I don’t buy it now, I’ll just end up buying it later on in the future.
- This new wallet is sophisticated and mature, like the life I want to lead postgrad. I can’t enter the adult world with a child’s wallet unless I want to continue to be a child.
- These shoes are $40, so if I wear them every day for 40 days, I only actually spent a dollar a day.
- Appearance is the first thing everyone sees, so how can I expect to find love if I don’t have a gorgeous pair of statement shoes?
- This shirt is 50% off so if I buy the on sale shirt and this necklace, it’s still less than the original price of the shirt. I’m basically stealing the necklace.
- I get free shipping on anything over $100 so even though the shirt is only $40, it’s a waste to pay the $6 shipping and handling fee when I could get it for free by purchasing a new formal dress.
- Drunk actions are sober thoughts so drunkenly ordering yet another tote is my subconscious’s way of telling me I needed a new carry-all bag.
- The shoes are buy three, get 30% off so if I buy one expensive pair of shoes and 2 inexpensive pairs, I get three pairs for roughly the same price as the expensive pair. Essentially, I’m getting two pairs of shoes for free.
- Everyone always says quality over quantity, so it only makes sense to buy real pearl earrings as opposed to knock-offs from Forever 21. The cheap ones won’t last more than a season so I’ll just have to continue to re-buy them when I could just invest now and be set for life.
- I’ve only skipped one class in the last two weeks. I deserve a new watch.
- The event I’m going to is going to be highly photographed so I can’t show up in something I’ve already been pictured in. Plus, the more I like my outfit, the more I’ll like the pictures and want to display them, which helps to keep the memory alive.
- Buying a banging interview outfit is an investment in my professional future.
- Diamonds never go out of style. Enough said.
- A Birkin will only ever increase in value. It’s economically proven.
Don’t judge — shopaholics need to stick together. And more importantly, we need to let each other know about any good, upcoming sales..