I once semi-dated this guy who I actually sort of hated. I honestly did not find him physically attractive, fun to hang out with, or entertaining. He wore the same sweatpants every single day and got weirdly, irrationally jealous when I did things like hang out with my friends. He, of course, was obsessed with me, which benefited me in some ways — for example, he loved going down on me, buying me things, etc. He tried really, really hard. So I put up with the fact that I really didn’t like him at all. I tolerated him. I sighed and said something along the lines of “whatever” when he said we should officially date.
And then I went home for break and cheated on him. Whoops.
The issue was not so much the cheating, not that the cheating was a good thing, but that I hadn’t cut this relationship off much, much earlier. I was clearly not invested in it at all. I was letting this guy hang on because I was bored and he made the whole relationship so easy on me, which wasn’t fair. I should’ve called it off when he asked us to be exclusive, and I didn’t, which wasn’t fair to either of us (mostly him).
If you find yourself in a similar situation, here are a few signs I wish I’d paid more attention to. They’re signs that it’s time to move the fuck on from your almost-relationship, because as much as you might want to, you’re just not that into him.
- When he kisses you, you find yourself thinking about things like homework assignments and needing to get home in time to watch The Bachelor.
- You tell him you can’t come over because the water is already boiling for your mac ‘n cheese.
- Your friends hate him even though you don’t spend that much time with him.
- Everything that you do together is done in his bedroom or yours because going out in public with him is not something you want to do.
- He buys you things in an excessive fashion, like he’s trying to buy more affection from you. (Hint: it doesn’t work that way.)
- You seem to be in a perpetual loop of him pleasing you sexually, but when it’s time to reciprocate, you’re suddenly too tired.
- You don’t want to cuddle with him after sex. Or ever.
- You go to his place to hook up when you’re drunk, and then walk home to sleep in your own bed even if he asks you to stay.
- When his name comes up on your phone, you ignore the message until you’re bored and need something to do.
- You always hang out on your terms, never on his.
- His grades drop because he’s losing sleep over you and yours have never been better.
- You are willing to give him your Friday night, but never your whole Saturday.
- He talks about you meeting his mom and you realize you have no serious intention of him ever meeting your family.
- When you tell him you’re not hungry he gets you a milkshake anyway and brings it to your front door and it’s weird.
- He knows your favorite color, favorite food, favorite music and you don’t even know where his hometown is.
- You never talk about him to your friends. Like ever.
- While you used to appreciate the nice things he did for you, you’re starting to find everything about him vaguely irritating for no reason.
- He always asks you to pick the movie and you wish that for once, he would just make the stupid decision for himself without trying to please you.
- You start to feel bad about yourself for not being able to like him more, like there’s something wrong with you. This is the deal-breaker.
If any/all of these ring a bell to you, take my advice and let him down easy. I know sometimes you want to keep trying because he really is sweet and you think you can maybe talk yourself into the relationship, but if you aren’t feeling it, you can’t force it. Don’t keep him hanging on. I promise there is someone out there who will make you way happier than this poor sucker ever could. Trust..
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