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22 Red, White, and Blowjob Pick Up Lines To Use This Fourth Of July

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  1. This year’s Fourth of July schedule: Banks-closed; post office-closed; my legs-open.
  2. Don’t worry if you’re only wearing stripes; I’ll make you see stars tonight.
  3. I’ll be Yankee Doodle if you’ll be the pony.
  4. The British aren’t coming, but I bet I can make you.
  5. I’ll have you exercising your right to free speech all night long.
  6. Wanna go full-term in my oval office?
  7. Oh say can you see…us getting freaky in your bed tonight.
  8. On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
  9. When we get back to my place, I’m going to do everything to you that our government can’t.
  10. Want to play Pearl Harbor? You lay back and I’ll blow the hell out of you.
  11. Just like a firework, I can make you explode.
  12. Give me oral or give me death.
  13. “The pursuit of happiness” means it’s cool for us to get naked, right?
  14. Let’s party like it’s 1776…in my sheets.
  15. Thomas Jefferson would have wanted us to get together.
  16. Wanna see my bald eagle?
  17. I want to make like Paul Revere and go for a midnight ride.
  18. I don’t have a permit, but can I search and seize whatever I find in your pants anyways?
  19. I bet I can handle your John Hancock.
  20. We have been blessed with life, liberty, and the pursuit of orgasms.
  21. You might not be the father of our country, but I’ll still call you daddy.
  22. I’ve got something better than an apple pie that you can eat when you get hungry.

It might be Independence Day, but I can guarantee you won’t end up alone. Happy Fourth of July, ya freedom fuckers!

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Kellie Stritz

Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.

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