- Bath and Body Works.
I’m going to get enough of this from literally all of my acquaintances. Just don’t do it.
- An engagement ring.
Definitely buy me this, but if you propose instead of getting me a real gift, I will actually kill you.
- A promise ring.
We’re not five, and if I have to show this to my friends, I will literally kill myself
- Any sort of ring.
What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?
This is a gift for you, not me. I repeat. This is a gift for you. Not me.
- Any kind of exercise gear.
Are you telling me I look fat??
- ….or any kind of clothing at all.
If you think I’m really that size, it’s over.
Now you’re just messing with me.
- Anything that can’t be exchanged for store credit.
Let’s be honest, I didn’t start dating you for your style.
- A gift card.
Good to know that two years’ worth of love and affection is worth exactly $50 from Target.
- Something handmade.
I mean, you can get me this, but you’d better get me a real present too, if you know what I mean.
This isn’t getting you out of holding our hands in public.
- Fake earrings.
Diamonds or GTFO.
- A picture.
Trust me, I stalk you on Facebook everyday. I don’t need this.
- A watch.
If you think this will make me be on time, you’ve never been more wrong.
- Anything you also bought your ex.
You may think we don’t know. Trust us. We know.
If I have to post a chain-link heart bracelet on Insta, I will literally die.
- A book.
- Anything sports related.
Yes, we told you we like sports. No, we actually don’t like sports.
- Donation to charity.
Yes, that’s a good gift for someone. But does that look like a good gift for me?
- Stuffed animals.
Any gift that could reasonably also be given to a five year old should never apply.