25 Things To Be Thankful For…For Her

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Nice Move

1. Your Little
And the fact that she’s not one of those “I don’t drink” types.

2. The you’re pretty enough for boys to magically find liquor at a “beer only” party
Because eww…beer.

3. Artificial UV rays
The only thing worse than having tanlines is being pale.

4. Sir Robert Burnett
Because he’s 29 flavors better than a real boyfriend.

5. The fact that your group’s “DUFF” is still a solid 7.5
You’re only as pretty as you’re ugliest friend. Or something.

6. Mean Girls
It’s the greatest cinematic masterpiece of our generation and half the things out of your mouth are direct quotes from the movie.

7. Hairspray
It’s making the ozone layer smaller, but your hair bigger and we all know which of those things is the important one.

8. Shellac
Chipped manicures are a thing of the past.

9. Your mother
Without her, you’d be the craziest bitch you know.

10. Your father…
…’s credit card. (Just kidding! Love you, Daddy!)

11. Your under-21 sibling
There are no pledge rides in your hometown.

12. Mascara
Because a good eyelash day is everything.

13. Your Big
Your life would be tragic…more tragic without her.

14. Mobile family plans
Because it’s cheaper for me to just stay on your plan than get my own, Daddy. (Especially since you wouldn’t accept money from me anyway, so it’s definitely cheaper for me.)

15. Wine
Making interactions with the opposite sex bearable…and possible.

16. The advent of sugar-free syrups
No girl should be denied a venti caramel from Starbs.

17. E. L. James
…Good books.

18. Having boobs
They get you whatever you want in life. They’re fun to play with.

19. Roommates that know to sleep on the couch when they see man feet hanging off your bed
Three’s a crowd.

20. Sundays
A day to rest, recover, and recount the events of this weekend before they go into the vault.

21. The girl in your chapter who always knows all the gossip
Ok, so that’s you.

22. The new girls
Someone has to “volunteer” to be a sober sister.

23. The person who decided “Communications” was a major
For giving you something to pretend to be doing while you’re searching for Dr. Right III.

24. That boy who you hopelessly friendzoned.
Because you always have someone to tell you you’re pretty, carry heavy things, and take to formal as a back-up without having to put out.

25. Your sisters
Your best friends in the world, who know everything about you and love you anyway.

***


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hot piece of TSM

Hot Piece (@VeronicaGrandex) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Hot Piece has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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