28 Things I Should Have Outgrown, But Adulting Is Too Hard


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28 Things I Should Have Outgrown, But Adulting Is Too Hard

  1. Running to my bed when I turn off the light.
    Zombies. So many zombies.
  2. Refusing to eat anything but chicken nuggets and mac ‘n’ cheese.
    I would say I only do this when I’m drunk, but I would be lying.
  3. Making my mom do my laundry.
    If I shrink another one of my favorite shirts, I think I will spontaneously combust. Also, please tell me how moms are the only ones that can remove wine stains.
  4. Crying about literally everything.
    Hormones can be a real bitch.
  5. Wanting someone to play with my hair until I fall asleep.
    It is my personal mission in life to find a future husband that will play with my hair and not turn out to be gay 20 years down the road.
  6. Breaking and losing expensive things my parents bought me.
    It used to be my siblings’ fault, but now it’s my roommate’s—or so I tell my parents.
  7. Putting my A’s on the fridge.
    Everyone needs a little encouragement now and then, okay?
  8. Hating boys.
    Just for different reasons now.
  9. Playing in the snow.
  10. Coloring Easter eggs.
    And they still look like a five-year-old did it.
  11. Carving pumpkins.
    And always making someone else clean out all the gunk inside.
  12. Taking pictures with Santa.
    Did it for the photo album then. Still doing it for the Instagram now.
  13. Constantly asking my parents questions.
    Mostly just asking for money now.
  14. Thinking my “cute face” will get me out of anything.
    Hey, it’s not my fault if it still works.
  15. Watching Disney movies all day.
    Now I get all the adult jokes they threw in, and it’s literally a whole new world.
  16. Having a fit when I can’t buy things at the store.
    Are you sure it’s rejected? I just paid it off!”
  17. Carrying around a sippy cup.
    Except now my juice is spiked with vodka.
  18. Playing dress-up.
    For 20 minutes every morning while I get ready.
  19. Having tea parties.
    Now known as “brunch.”
  20. Practicing makeup on friends.
    And forever overdoing the blush.
  21. Making things at school and taking them home to show my mom.
    Before I give them to my little.
  22. Doodling in my notebook during class.
    And becoming a professional at writing the word “Hemsworth” shortly following my first name.
  23. Pretending to be sick and skipping school.
    Or, you know, drinking too much on a Thursday night and emailing my professors Friday morning with “the bug that’s going around.”
  24. Obsessing over stickers.
    But still never getting to use the “date night” one (unless it’s date night with my girls).
  25. Wearing bows.
    What would Bid Day be without them?
  26. Matching my sisters.
    Biologic and Greek.
  27. Stealing mom’s pearls.
    For school pictures then and composite pictures now.
  28. Wanting to grow up.
    But always refusing any of the associated responsibility.
Who said you can't be smart and funny? When I'm not writing for TSM, you can find me studying into oblivion, downing a bottle of chardonnay, and/or sobbing for reasons I have yet to understand. All hate fan mail can be sent to premed.donna.tsm@gmail.com.

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