3 Reasons It Sucks To Date A Momma’s Boy

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Everyone says that if you want a boy who will treat you right, look at how he treats his mother. I can see that this has merit. You don’t want some guy who’s disrespectful to the woman who birthed him, because that’s pretty indicative that he’s disrespectful of women in general, which will be no picnic for you. I’m not inclined to say it’s worse, but it may be almost as unsettling to date a guy who worships his mother beyond your realm of comfort. Beware of the momma’s boy.

She’s Going To Be Possessive

Up until now, she’s been the only woman in his life, and she quite likes it that way. I suppose it’s got to be hard for her, because your presence in his life makes her feel obsolete. He doesn’t need her to cook, clean, or do his laundry anymore, and you can offer him something she’ll never be able to compete with, so long as you don’t live in Arkansas or West Virginia. She’s used to being his number one lady, and suddenly she’s cast aside by a younger woman (he always did take after his father), and it’s natural she’s feeling a little combative. You’ll notice her hurling passive aggressive insults your way, and no matter how good you are, you haven’t been in the practice of secret bitchy for quite as long as she has. You’re not going to win. Jealous bitchery or not, the worst part is that she’s going to compete with you for his time. Don’t be surprised if she tries to schedule family activities during times she knows he has plans with you, because it will happen, and she will convince you he has no idea. It’s easy to let her drive you crazy, as it would be to be driven crazy by any woman desperate for your man’s attention, but suck it up until you have the ring. If she catches wind of you being anything but absolutely doting to her baby, she will capitalize on the fact that she will love him no matter what, making you look like an asshole. Don’t put up a fight, just realize when you eventually say “I do,” what you’re really saying is “I win.”

She’s Always Right

Men know that when it comes to their emotions and interpersonal relationships, sometimes a woman’s intuition is just what they need to help them see things more clearly. They certainly don’t talk to each other about their feelings. For a boy who has spent far too long on his mother’s proverbial breast, it’s obvious that she will be his confidant, and since she’s the only person who’s ever offered him insight thus far, he assumes that her opinion is absolute. This becomes difficult for you, the girlfriend, who is trying to tell him that he’s acting like a neanderthal. She might not see it, but that’s because she doesn’t see him behaving boorishly with his friends. He saves that treatment, special for you. It’s maddening to hear him tell you that you’re wrong about him being a dick because his “mother doesn’t think so.” What’s even worse, is if you tell him he’s being a dick and he “thinks you may be right,” because he “talked to his mom, and she agrees.” You only believe me when your mom tells you to? Get used to dealing with the Almighty Mother, because it’s going to take you years to convince him that sometimes, she can be a dumb bitch wrong.

She Sets Impossible Standards

I’m certain that the fruit of my loom will be infallible. Perfection breeds perfection. Obviously. It’s natural for a mother to want to do everything to ensure her child’s happiness. When that child is a man, that often means cleaning up after him, and making sure he never has to lift a finger, expecting nothing in return, not even appreciation. Sometimes, a mother will go so far as to make her son feel that he is either incapable of, or better than, doing anything for himself. When a mother treats a man this way, like he is the Messiah, she is nurturing. When a girlfriend treats a man this way, she is pathetic. There’s nothing wrong with doing things for your guy, but unlike your mother, buddy, I see your flaws, at least twenty extra pounds, and two few inches of manhood, so I’m not going to act like it’s my pleasure to serve you. Sometimes I’m not going to have time to do your laundry. Sometimes you’re going to have to open your own beer, and sometimes, you better believe you’re going to make me a sandwich.

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Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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