39 Perks Of Being A Lightweight


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I don’t know what happened to me. In the past year, my alcohol tolerance has drastically reduced. I used to be able to handle my shit. I used to be able to order round after round of vodka sodas, but now it seems like I’m done after two or three. At first, I was angry. I missed being revered as the 100-pound girl who could put away her alcohol. Fraternity guys would gawk as I put away shot after shot after shot. My friends couldn’t understand the science behind how that much alcohol could exist in my body without completely fucking me up.

But of course, all good things must come to an end, and my incredibly high alcohol tolerance didn’t last. Instead of wallowing into a glass (just one) of wine, I decided to look at the positives of being a lightweight, and there’s actually a lot of them. If you’re a lightweight like me, take comfort in the fact that it’s not all bad. Here are a few great things about being a lightweight:

  1. You’re never the designated driver, even just going out to dinner.
  2. People will literally take your keys away from you after one drink.
  3. “Oh shit, you guys, Kate just ordered a beer. Ashley, it’s your turn to drive her car home.”
  4. You’re not complaining. No DUI for you.
  5. You’re always the first one to get drunk.
  6. Which means in addition to being a known lightweight, you’re also known as the girl who gets the party started.
  7. While everyone is sitting around waiting for their shots to kick in, you’re already dancing on tables.
  8. You never experience that awkward period of being sober at the bars. One shot or drink and you’re ready to have some fun.
  9. You spend less money at bars.
  10. If you even make it to the bars.
  11. Because everyone knows you’re the girl who gets wasted at the pregame.
  12. Less money spent on drinks means more money can be spent on drunk food.
  13. You know exactly how many drinks it takes you to get drunk.
  14. Because that number is so small.
  15. Two. It takes two drinks for you to get drunk.
  16. Your friends don’t even offer you shots anymore because they know you don’t need them.
  17. And they don’t try and peer pressure you cause they know (and more importantly, remember) exactly what happens when you drink too much.
  18. No shots for you. Ever.
  19. You’re awful at drinking games, because by the time everyone starts playing, you’ve already hit your limit.
  20. You also make your partner drink for you, so you’re basically the worst beer pong partner ever.
  21. But this is a good thing, because you make your partner (AKA a hot guy) look better by comparison.
  22. Your suckage feeds his ego.
  23. It’s endearing how much you suck at drinking games, really.
  24. You’ve never gained weight from drinking.
  25. Beer belly? Not a thing for you.
  26. Hell, you don’t even get bloated.
  27. Feel free to wear crop tops any time you go out.
  28. You do however, gain weight from eating.
  29. Remember all that money you’re not spending on drinks?
  30. You’re spending it on pizza.
  31. And tacos.
  32. And burgers.
  33. And any other carbs you can get your grubby little paws on.
  34. Maybe pair that crop top with some high waisted shorts.
  35. Your friends are always  relatively sober by the time they need to play babysitter and take you home.
  36. So instead of one drunk person taking care of another drunk person, which basically equates to a toddler babysitting another toddler, you actually have a real adult there to help you puke and tuck you into bed.
  37. Formals, family events, and work events involving alcohol are a dangerous game you willl probably lose.
  38. You’re tipsy by 8:30 p.m., drunk by 10 p.m., and PTFO in bed by midnight.
  39. Which means you can sleep through your hangover for longer.
  40. All your friends are secretly jealous of your lightweight status because you drink less, get more drunk, and spend less money than they do.

One drink, two drink, drunk AF.

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Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: cristina@grandex.co (not .com).

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