39 Reasons Why You’re Standard’s Worst Nightmare


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Everyone should go to standards at some point in their college sorority experience.  If you aren’t going hard to the point where you puke on the floor of the classy formal venue and someone has to hold your hair back while you lean over the toilet then you don’t truly learn the value of college. This being said, there is a large difference between going to standards once and being “standard’s worst nightmare.” There can only be one (maybe two) standard’s worst nightmare girls in a chapter. If several (or all) of the following apply to you then congrats, it’s time to put in the trophy order. You are officially the biggest risk management in the chapter. Well done.

  1. You have puked on the floor of a classy formal venue.
  2. You have done ‘Rush Boobs’ for one or more fraternities.
  3. You have made a sex tape.
  4. You miiiigh have participated in ‘amateur night’ at the local strip club. Maybe.
  5. You have worked at Hooters.
  6. Everyone in the pledge class below you knows your name because you are listed every week at chapter for being on social probation.
  7. Or because you are the one they all text to buy them alcohol.
  8. Even though you are also underage.
  9. Police officers know you by your fake ID name.
  10.  And you no longer get carded when buying alcohol because all the cashiers at Specs Liquor Store know you.
  11. The manager even invited you to his family’s Cinco de Mayo party.
  12. There’s a high chance you have worn a drug-related costume to a theme party.
  13. You have been sent home from a social event.
  14. You consciously make the decision not to wear spandex under your semi-formal dress.
  15. Even though it’s short as fuck and everyone will be able to see your ass.
  16. Because there’s a 100 percent chance you will dance on some elevated surface.
  17. Despite the fact that you have been repeatedly asked to refrain from dancing on elevated surfaces.
  18. You have had sex at formal.
  19. You have accidentally uploaded a nude to your story on Snapchat.
  20. But you took it down two seconds later so like, it doesn’t even count.
  21. You have made out with your little.
  22. Or both if you have twins.
  23. You have been caught spiking your “soda” on bid day.
  24. You are known for responding to the VP of standards when she messages you telling you to take an inappropriate photo down.
  25. You have hooked up with two or more members of a fraternity family.
  26. You went out of the country during recruitment work week. Whoops.
  27. And shamelessly uploaded Snapchats throwing back shots while the rest of your sisters bounced and clapped for six hours a day.
  28. You have done the walk of shame back to your sorority house in a themed party outfit.
  29. Including but not limited to a slutty school girl outfit, animal onesie, or head to toe camo.
  30. You have lost your voting privileges in chapter multiple times.
  31. The chapter advisor has your personal cell number.
  32. You have gone to a bar wearing letters.
  33. Girls in other sororities know you by your first and last name.
  34. You have called standards board to a meeting because half of them are just as bad as you are.
  35. You are asked to take down 99.999 percent of your Saturday night Snapchat stories.
  36.  You have been accused multiple times of “corrupting your little.”
  37. You blatantly admit to having hooked up with at least one guy from every sports team.
  38. Your mug shot has been circulated in multiple group messages.
  39. You agreed to everything on this list because like, they’re not that bad.
My life is pretty much one big awkward embarrassing moment. Dream-self is a cross between Amy Schumer and Serena Van der Woodsen. I like LITs a little too much and am standards board's worst nightmare. If you don't party on Tuesdays then what's the point of college..? Feel free to email me funny stories and Memes because I love to laugh and there's a chance I might be able to make you laugh too. blondeboozy@gmail.com xo

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