4 Completely Unrealistic Expectations All Women Have For Men


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Nice Move


There are some amazing things that only women can do which makes me believe women are clearly the superior sex. The ability to walk in heels on cobblestone streets while drunk and the whole childbirth thing are two great examples. Both require feats of strength and perseverance that no man could ever possess.

Then again, we’re not perfect. Sometimes we can be a tad unreasonable, especially when it comes to our expectations. I’m not talking about basic things like the expectation that a guy should be faithful in a relationship and should always reciprocate oral, which should be a given. I’m talking about things that are straight up crazy. We can blame it on our high standards, but some of these things are seriously bonkers when you really stop and think about it.

1. We expect guys to look like Chris Hemsworth without any of the actual maintenance it takes to be Chris Hemsworth.
There’s nothing sexier than a guy with huge muscles, and perfectly scruffy beard, and just the right amount of chest hair. We tend to overlook the fact that guys like that are usually addicted to the gym and have a more complicated beauty regimen than Gigi Hadid. We expect guys to just ~have~ muscles, like they’re an accessory guys can get at Target and not something that takes hours and months in the gym to build and perfect. Gym rats? Gross. Guys who meal prep? Yuck. Guys who use something other than water to wash their face? Prissy.

2. We expect guys we’re dating to have zero contact with any vagina-having entity who isn’t us.
Finding out the guy you’re talking to has a girl best friend who he talks to every single day is almost worse than finding out the guy you’re talking to has herpes. Even if you think you’re cool with it and you tell him it’s fine, you know deep down inside you’re wondering if he’s ever done anything with her (probably) and if he’s ever thought about her naked (definitely). Nope, the only friends he can have are ones with penises, apparently.

Forget friends who are girls, any girl in general is a threat. The girl who sits next to him in physics? He said he’s never even spoken to her outside of asking when the next test is, but you can never be too sure. What if he’s secretly in love with her? What if she’s secretly in love with him? He should avoid any member of the opposite sex, just to be on the safe side.

3. We expect guys to do whatever we want to do and never do what he wants to do.
Girls want to date a guy who has interests outside of scratching his balls and watching porn, but the second he agrees to be exclusive, we expect to be their only hobby. Snowman building in the winter, picnics in the park in spring, beach trips in summer, frolicking in a damn pumpkin patch in the fall, and basically anything else you want to do are what his days consist of. It takes hours of coaxing and two foot rubs for you to agree to go to one stupid baseball game with him, but when you want to do something together, this is usually how it goes:

“Babe, we’re going to one of those painting classes with wine tonight,” you tell him.

“But the NBA/FFA/LOL Finals are on tonight!!!” he pleads.

“Just record it and watch it later,” you matter-of-factly respond.

4. We expect everything he does to mean ~something.~
Most of the time, guys do things without even thinking about it. Again, going back to the whole scratching-his-balls thing, if a guy doesn’t realize how disgusting it is to fondle his own genitalia in front of other people, what makes you think he has some hidden intention behind him saying he’s looking forward to “hanging out” versus he’s looking forward to your “date”? Yeah, there’s not. Girls can spend an hour crafting the perfect response and a guy will see it and say “lol, nice,” almost every time. It means nothing.

High standards, low expectations all the way.

Cristina is a Grandex Writer and Content Manager. She was an intern for over two years before she graduated a semester early to write about college full time, which makes absolutely no sense. She regretfully considers herself a Carrie, but is first and foremost a Rory. She tends to draw strong reactions from people. They are occasionally positive. You can find her in a bar as you're bending down to tie your shoes, drinking Dos XX and drunk crying to Elton John. Email her: cristina@grandex.co (not .com).

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