“That time of the month” is undeniably the worst time of the month. Bleeding, cramps, bloating, emotions, the list goes on. However, in an attempt to do something that is very unlike me (looking at the glass half-full people), I have created a list for you to pull out whenever mother nature decides to give you a *gift* and remind you that it’s not the end of the world.
1. CONGRATS! You’re Not Pregnant!
Hands down the best part of getting your period is knowing that you are not pregnant. I am someone who has a very irrational fear of getting pregnant. Even if I routinely practice safe sex and use more than one form of contraception, I am convinced I have the worst luck in the world and might still end up pregnant after having sex. There may be some underlying issues with this paranoia, but every girl has this fear, right?(?!) I breathe a sign of relief when I see blood every fourth Wednesday (s/o to BC).
Maybe you’re not on the pill, maybe the condom broke, maybe it was a really close call with his attempt at pulling out. Whatever the case, you’re sexually active* and you’re not with child. That little red sea of death serves as a pat on the back for practicing safe sex, or as a free pass for a mistake and a reminder to be more careful next time.
*This obviously doesn’t apply if you haven’t had sex in the last month. In that case, getting your period is just a sad reminder that it’s been yet another month since you last got laid.
2. It’s The Best Excuse for Shower Sex
Granted, shower sex usually isn’t worth the effort and risk of injury. However, if there was ever a good time to have shower sex, your period is that time. Boys (note word choice here: boys not men), can be hesitant to have period sex. Fuck those guys. And fuck the fact that you’re probably the horniest when you’re bleeding out the vag. But offer up the idea of shower sex, and these boys just might reconsider. There’s no cleanup necessary. No need to run around half naked looking for a shitty towel to lie down. And the fact that water washes away any natural lubricant, well, your flow is acting as backup.
3. You Can Have Multiple Helpings Of Dessert
So you’re trying to maintain what semblance of a bikini bod you have for the rest of the summer. You’ve been eating relatively healthily. But a girl’s got to indulge every once in awhile. So buy out the candy aisle at Target and go out for ice cream three days in a row. You know it will make you feel better.
4. You Are Your Bitchiest Self
Your emotional stability is all out of whack thanks to our good pal, Hormones. For a week, anything and anyone can and will piss you off. Let the bad bitch in you out. You don’t have to be nice all the time. After bitching out that fuckboy in your life and it not going as hoped, you can always just blame your hormones.
Having your period sucks. But the fact that you’re getting your period doesn’t. When it’s time to break out the tampons and overdose on Midol, try to forget about the turmoil your body is going through. Celebrate not being pregnant with shower sex, eating ice cream out of the tub, and being a bitch..