42 Totally Not Crazy Ways To Keep A Boyfriend


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Nice Move


  1. Make him hold your hand everywhere you go in public.
  2. Even when you’re eating.
  3. Or heading into the bathroom.
  4. And when he pulls away, ask if he doesn’t like you anymore.
  5.  Ask him about every girl he follows on Instagram.
  6. Even his cousins.
  7. Especially the slutty cousins.
  8. And then take his phone and unfollow some (read: all) of them.
  9. Get jealous of the girls he was assigned to be in a group project with.
  10. Then make a rule that he “isn’t allowed to talk to her” even though you know it’s for a grade.
  11. Cry.
  12. A lot.
  13. Keep referring to him as your dog’s dad.
  14. Especially in front of his friends.
  15. And insist that you’re all a family.
  16. Start most texts with “I don’t want to sound crazy but…”
  17. And then say something completely crazy.
  18. Like “I know your ex got you those shoes in that Facebook picture.”
  19. Or “do you think we should tell your mom we’re having sex?”
  20. And “maybe we should just rent an apartment together next year!”
  21. Watch the “Blank Space” music video together and remind him that you and T-Swift are completely alike.
  22. Every time he gets mad at you say you think you’re pregnant.
  23. And ask him his opinion on the baby names you’re considering.
  24. Get mad when he doesn’t like your fictitious baby name for your fictitious baby.
  25. Eat all his food (boys love this!).
  26. And talk about your diet in extensive detail while breaking your diet.
  27. Send him pictures of engagement rings you like on Pinterest.
  28. Casually slip in “this will be such a great wedding venue” any romantic place you go.
  29. Then ask him what wedding colors he had in mind.
  30. Get your class ring and then ask him where the next ring is.
  31. End all your couples Instagram post with #forever #ringbyspring.
  32. Ask him if he wants to start a joint Facebook account with you.
  33. And then create one anyways.
  34. Turn on his read receipts when he’s not paying attention.
  35. And then text back immediately after he reads it with “I know you read this.”
  36. Track his location on your phone.
  37. And anytime he goes anywhere he didn’t tell you about, show up unannounced.
  38. Show him pictures of engagements on Facebook.
  39. “Why can’t we be like them?”
  40. Call him pet names while you’re out with his friends.
  41. JK. Don’t hang out with his friends. You should be his only friend.
  42. Send him this list and remind him that you’re going to be together forever. And ever. And ever.

Works every time.


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