Summer means you’re finally sober enough to take a step back and reflect. You may come to the realization that you spent last semester giving far too many fucks about a multitude of mostly made up situations that no longer matter at all. As sorority girls, we’re practically expected to care too much about everything. There are so few real things to stress about that we spend way too much time freaking out about the smallest issues and insecurities — whether it’s finding the perfect accessory (or boy) for a night out, or stalking your rival sorority’s recruitment numbers (okay, that actually does matter).
Here are the top 5 things we care way too much about (although the list could be infinite):
1. What We’re Wearing
How many times have you spent hours freaking out about finding the perfect outfit? I’m not even talking just the outfit, because that’s totally understandable, especially when a themed party is involved. I mean the smallest details that literally no one will notice, except your most vicious frenemy. While you may look back on your college days and regret certain busted ensembles, you’re never going to think to yourself, “Wow, I really should’ve rocked silver sandals instead of gold!” As long as you look risqué enough for guys and chic enough for girls, you’re golden. Let’s be honest, by the time you go out you’re far too intoxicated to notice what anyone else is wearing, let alone to remember what earrings you chose — which means you’ll forget to Instagram your outfit, anyway.
2. Date Parties
Unless you’re young and in love, date parties are the worst. While the girls who are
boring in relationships squeal with excitement and immediately text their so-called “better halves” to inform them they’ll be required to dress as some Disney prince at an upcoming event, single ladies are met with a serious conundrum. Do you invite your maybe-gay best friend because he’ll be the life of the party? Everyone loves him, but he loves everyone’s dates just a little too much. Do you take your best friend in another house, even though you’ve been warned it’s forbidden? You’ll be sure to have the best time you’ll never remember. Do you take a risk and invite the guy you’ve been crushing on all semester? He won’t say no, but the anxiety leading up to the ask is unbearable. Options are endless, and sometimes they’re awful. No matter what, you’ll stress endlessly about who to bring, and whether or not they’ll say yes. Spoiler alert: they will. Unless your boy toy has something real going on, he’s not going to turn down drinks, dirty dancing, and a potential hookup that becomes more and more likely as the shots pour down your gullet. Stop stressing, because a boy is not going to pass on the chance to blackout with a bunch of sorority girls. So buck up, ask the boy you’ve been eyeing, and try not to do too many shots, because you want to end the night kissing your date, not the toilet.
3. Your Favorite Frenemy
That one girl in the house you hate is the absolute worst because she’s inescapable. She’s at your pre-games, she’s in your group texts, and she stands up and gives the most boring speeches of all time during chapter. At the end of the day, she’ll end up with zero friends, because she’s mean as a snake. She’s not worth stressing and obsessing over, because karma’s one bitch who always gets her way.
4. Your Not-Boyfriend
There will always be that one boy who drives you up the wall. Whether it’s the boy you hooked up with for just a hot minute, but haven’t been able to get out of your head, or the guy you dated for a hundred years who has the ability to drive you completely insane, he’s the worst. The absolute worst, except, when you’re with him, when you’re convinced he’s the best. Move on, because if he won’t be your boyfriend, he’s not worth your time (or drunk texts).
5. Sorority Politics
Your sorority is everything, obviously. It’s your obsession, and I’m not telling you to put that on the back burner. Whether you’re reminiscing about exec meetings that seemed beyond boring at the time, or bragging about the position you once hated to a new member, the internal politics that stressed you out won’t seem all that bad once they’re over. Maybe you didn’t get the position you were dying for. You were forced to spend the year playing second fiddle to the president, a ball-busting bore you secretly despised. Perhaps you were a little too obsessed with taking down the rival house, and you spent your nights soberly snapping photos of them drinking in letters. It could be that you faced a visit to standards that ended in tears and seemed impossible to recover from.
Whatever your obsession is, take a chill pill (or a Xanax, whatever’s handy works). Stop sipping your Starbucks, and trade it in for a shot of vodka (or tequila if you need something stronger). You’ll realize the stress you’re feeling is (almost) entirely made up, and not quite worth it. When you look back on sorority life, you’ll remember your incredible sisters, the awesome bonds you made, and your stunning lineage, not the drama, so leave it at home this summer, where it belongs, before you make your triumphant return to campus.