Not everyone’s got what it takes to be a wingwoman. You’ve got to be smart, quick, and speak the same language that males do. If you do have the abilities, then it is your duty to serve the women around you with your gift. It can be rough waters out there for single women in their early 20s trying to get some, you know, because single men in their early 20s make absolutely no fucking sense ever. So if you’re able to lock one down for the night, you’ve got to help your friends do the same. Being a wingwoman can be hard, but here’s how to master it.
1. Know what your friend wants better than she does.
For most friends, this is no problem at all. Whether she can admit it or not, you know she can’t resist a man with a beard. Or that she can’t get enough of guys that like the same music as she does. The minute you walk into a new bar, you’re scoping the scene for the man of her dreams. And before she even has the chance to order a drink, you’ve already got a few lined up.
2. Make sure you’re completely uninterested in her man of choice.
This is easily the most vital part of being a successful wingwoman. When you make your way over to the prey, you’ve got to make sure you don’t hit it off. If his charm is turned up to the max and you find yourself starting to flirt, abort mission. The last thing you want to do is go home with a man your friend has had her sights on. No shack shirt is worth a bitter bestie.
3. Keep a few good “guy facts” on hand.
Picking up a man for another person is an eloquent form of art. You’ve got to maintain his interest without using your boobs and quite frankly, that can be difficult given most men’s attention span. This can be done by attempting to understand the male species. Good topics to research prior to your role as a wingwoman are sports, beer, and breaking things. Then before the conversation gets too masculine for you to follow, bring up this ~amazing~ friend you have. Be sure to talk her up without making it painfully obvious what you’re doing.
4. Be prepared to flirt with the chosen dude’s friends.
When you convince the dude to come back and sit at your table, he’ll inevitably bring his bros with him. Now in order to seal the deal, you have to keep his friends entertained. If you’re caught off guard, his friends will give him the look and they’ll be headed to the next bar, putting your wingwoman skills to shame. I’m not saying you have to sleep with one of his friends, but he doesn’t have to know that. Act like you’re going to, hold his hand or something, and at the last second, make a run for it.
5. Devote yourself 100 percent to the game.
Or in other words, that means you’re going home alone tonight. You weren’t interested in any of his friends and by the time you’ve officially hooked your friend up, last call is approaching. This is the greatest sacrifice of wingwomanship and takes strength not all possess. You’ve officially taken one for the team. Instead of grabbing booty, grab some pizza and head home with pride.
6. Don’t expect a prize for your duties.
So you sacrificed your night to help out a friend? Congratulations, that’s exactly what friends are supposed to do. Your friend might give you a shout out the next day. Or she might make you come pick her up at an ungodly hour. It’s your obligation as a friend to provide these services. She’ll reciprocate the good deed when the time comes, but no formal appreciation is on the way. You’ve got to be personally proud of your actions and that’s that. After all, the next best thing to getting laid is getting your best friend laid..