I’ll start off by coming clean. In the past, yes I have had sex with my ex, and after (the couple of times) it happened, I vowed not to do it ever again. But it’s hard. No one wants to go home alone at the end of the night, so there’s always the option of texting an ex (or if you’re “lucky” and he texted you first, replying). There are so many reasons why you should go against your
gut vagina and just go home with the random six who bought you a vodka soda instead. There’s a reason you broke up in the first place, and only part of it was cause he only lasted four minutes. But if you do decide to hook up with your former flame (and you will), just expect a whole bunch of backlash from a few mediocre minutes of thrusting.
1. It makes things messy.
Especially if you and your ex are in the same group of friends. Not only will you need to try and keep it a secret (spoiler alert: nothing stays a secret and they will all know by the time you wake up), but you’ll also see him. ALL THE TIME. Sleeping with a friend, who happens to be an ex, is the worst possible move you could make. I’m sorry, but it doesn’t matter how good he is or how long he lasts, exes are no-gos. If you’re that horny then buy a vibrator.
2. You’ll be inclined to do it again.
It’s bad enough you’ve already lowered your standards and got with him once, but from now on you’ll be listing reasons why it wouldn’t be so bad if you hooked up again. Trust me, I’ve done this too many times. You figure, “well I already (literally) fucked up, what’s another time going to do?” Then that turns into three more times and all of a sudden you’re confused and hurt. Worst of all, your friends are definitely shit talking you because you look dumb.
3. If you didn’t have closure after your relationship ended, you’ll be seeking it now.
There’s nothing worse than talking with your ex about what you did wrong during your relationship after you just had sex. Or asking questions like, “Why did you dump me? How long were you unhappy?” You’ll look crazy because you’ve been dying to know all these answers for months, and he really doesn’t want to get into it. No one likes bringing things up from the past. Worse, if you never had closure to begin with, you may start getting feelings for him again.
4. His frat brothers may find out and then you’ll be suddenly off limits.
The cutie in his frat who’s been eyeing you for weeks? Well now he’s not going to bother trying to talk to you. Once word spreads that you’re back to getting down with your ex, guys are going to become disinterested. A guy isn’t going to want to step on his brother’s toes, especially if it’s unclear what’s going on. On the other hand, the only guys who would be interested are pervs (since you look easy) or a guy looking for a three-way (not always a terrible option).
5. Your friends won’t want to hear about it.
They’ve already coached you through a relationship and a breakup. They basically co-wrote most texts you had sent to him, so they don’t want to deal with picking up the pieces for a third time after he’s done getting what he wants from you. Plus, if your friends are part of your “communal” friends, they probably don’t want to know about the gross things you both did last night. They’ve tried to talk you out of it since the beginning, and then things end they’ll be telling you the dreaded phrase of, “I told you so.”
6. You’ll compare the sex to when you were together.
If it was better when you were together, you’ll just realize sex is better when you actually really like the person. But if it was better this time around, you’re going to think about all the other girls he’s slept with since you, and sometimes that sucks to think about. Or you’ll be so impressed with how much better he was that it’ll be a reason to sleep with him again (don’t even think about it).
If you do end up making the mistake of fucking your ex, please, for your sanity, just let it happen only once. The fact of the matter is you’ve been apart for months, and there is no reason to try to salvage anything, even if you are looking for something solely physical. I can almost guarantee that there is someone else out there who is so much better in bed than he is, and probably hotter too. There’s no reason to throw away months of recovery from a breakup for a quick (in my case four-minute) fix. Just hold out a little while longer and find another guy.
Or for those who are extremely desperate, invest in a vibrator. .
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