69 Thoughts A Girl Has During A Terrible Hookup

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Nice Move

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1. His name is James, right?

2. Or was it John?

3. I’ll just call him “Babe.”

4. Oh my God, has this room ever been cleaned?

5. No, your “baby-making” playlist will not make this better.

6. This stubble thing is not working for me anymore. It’s like the facial equivalent of sandpaper.

7. Can I ask him to shave?

8. Please close your mouth.

9. This is such a waste of an outfit.

10. You looked like you’d be so good.

11. This is so disappointing.

12. At least I didn’t have to pay for drinks or a cab ride home.

13. When was the last time these sheets were changed?

14. No, seriously close your mouth.

15. Maybe if I show a little encouragement?

16. Encouragement makes them better, right?

17. Nope.

18. How am I getting home?

19. At least this will be good practice?

20. Yes, I know you like it like that.

21. Yes, I know I’m a goddess.

22. Oh okay, you go right ahead and undress yourself, tiger.

23. At least it looks like you workout.

24. Maybe I can do this.

25. Have you ever unclasped a bra before in your life?

26. Mmm, I like it when you run your hands through my hair.

27. No, not that much.

28. Fuck, these tangles are literally never going to come out.

29. I could be sleeping right now.

30. Is my paper due tomorrow?

31. I think I’ll wear my blue dress tomorrow night.

32. Or maybe those new jeans.

33. No, definitely the blue dress.

34. Ugh, focus.

35. You can do this.

36. God, my arm is tired.

37. I am not drunk enough for this.

38. So bored.

39. Can I stop now?

40. Who let me go home with him?

41. My ex was so much better.

42. I wonder what he’s doing right now.

43. How much longer?

44. I better get a good shack shirt.

45. Why am I not drunk anymore?

46. I am too good for this.

47. Please don’t take off your boxers.

48. Oh my God. What is that?

49. It’s so tiny.

50. Oh no, don’t you dare push my head down there.

51. Maybe his roommates will come home.

52. Please let them walk in.

53. Please.

54. Looks like I’ll be going with the “it’s my time of the month” excuse.

55. Ha! Works every time.

56. But the look on his face, priceless.

57. Thank God.

58. It’s finally over.

59. I cannot stay here any longer.

60. Why do guys automatically assume we want to cuddle?

61. So stereotypical.

62. Dude, please just fall asleep.

63. No, don’t put your arm around me.

64. Wonder how I get out of here.

65. Is he asleep yet?

66. Where does he keep the clean shirts?

67. Hmm, which one do I like best?

68. Absolutely no one can find out about this.

69. Wonder where everyone is late-nighting.

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