There are a lot of really great things about having a boyfriend. He feeds you. He loves you. And he tells you that you’re pretty even when you look like a literal swamp monster. Sure, you put effort into your appearance sometimes, like when you go to dinner or attend a function where a girl you hate will be in attendance. But for the most part, you live your couple life with greasy hair, chipped nail polish, and hairy legs. One of the benefits of this, however, is that when you do decide to clean yourself up, you can really go out all. One Reddit user experienced this when she decided to get rid of her pube jungle after letting the hedges grow. Little did she know, her decision to make her boyfriend remember that she’s actually an attractive female would backfire like she wouldn’t believe (bum bum bummm).
It all started innocently enough.
Shark week went on forever this month, so by the time the waters cleared, I thought I would remove all traces of pubic hair for my boyfriend’s pleasure. I bought wax strips from the supermarket, and before work in the morning, I tried them out. Things were going well, except it was taking a lot longer than I thought it would. Realising I was going to be late for work, I pulled up my pants, and left my hair half removed, 40 Year Old Virgin style.
I can’t imagine being able to concentrate on work with a patchy vagina waiting for me, but she’s a stronger woman than I am.
With plans to see my boyfriend in the evening, after work I attempted Round 2. Things were going even worse now, as I got further down. Hair wasn’t coming out as easy, wax was sticking me together, I was losing strength to pull quickly.
As someone with a lack of upper body strength, literally zero pain tolerance, and a short attention span, I can’t imagine having to face the vaginal beast a second time just to be hair-free.
Again, I was running out of time, but I looked ridiculous. I had to keep going. Fuck it, I thought. I’ll use hair removal cream on the rest. Big mistake.
I only used hair removal cream on my legs once in seventh grade and I have to say — that shit is serious. After having it on for a few minutes my skin had started to burn and after washing it off I swore that I would happily shave (or put off shaving) for the rest of my life. The packaging on the stuff says that you shouldn’t use it on “sensitive” areas. But when you’re in a relationship and want to mix things up, you’ll go to almost any lengths to impress the poor sucker who puts up with your gross self. This girl quickly learned, however, that sometimes it’s better to just keep the bush than try to please the guy.
Instant stinging where it overlapped with the already waxed sections. Burning, even. I quickly jumped in the shower and washed it off, then put on my clothes, just minutes to spare before my boyfriend pulled up. We had a lovely night out, and I didn’t feel any pain, so I completely forgot all about it. Fast-forward to later on that night when we are in bed, taking our clothes off. My underwear is stuck to me.
Like a gross, modern-day chastity belt.
Absolutely horrified, but not wanting to make a big deal of it, I waited until my boyfriend had turned over in the bed, then quickly used my phone to investigate. I peel my underwear off my skin, and see that there is a patch about an inch across that is just raw skin. A chemical burn, maybe? It’s been seeping for the last few hours and has been drying on to my underwear. So yeah, in an attempt to look perfect for my boyfriend, I now have a groin that looks like Freddy Krueger. No one is getting laid this week.
So ladies, if you want to get a wax, don’t decide to do it yourself with a box from Walmart. And if you want to impress your guy, give him a blow job or a beer or something. Save what’s well enough alone, and stick to your pink razor when it comes to your vagina. The only thing worse than a bush is a chemical burn..
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