A Message to the Newly Initiated Members

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Nice Move

Congratulations on your initiation to the best sorority on campus! After six not at all long weeks of “no drinking,” gifts and pampering, you endured our bizarre, cult-like, and downright creepy initiation process and you finally get to call our letters your own. Wear them with pride because you’ve done absolutely nothing to earn them. For whatever reason, we don’t haze. Lucky you. Your new member period was a walk in the park picking lilacs. Except for possibly a whipped cream licking contest with your pledge sisters and an embarrassing scavenger hunt assigned to you by your great great grandbig resulting in the “consequence” of snacks and adult beverages after it had been continuously reiterated “this is for FUN and if you feel uncomfortable at any time, please let one of us know!” You probably feel like you’re just about on top of the world right now, and you should. For the next four years you will be royalty on this campus. You will form lifelong friendships, and have VIP status at every fraternity function ever, but don’t get it twisted… you WILL earn your place in this chapter. There are a few unwritten rules you need to be aware of.

Every semester each sorority is required to attend a certain number of events and speakers to prove to pan-hel and the head of Greek affairs that we’re doing more than getting drunk and making out with fraternity men. We (the older sisters) don’t want to go to these boring events. 45 sisters at a given speaker is typically enough to get everyone off our backs. Conveniently, there are 53 of you, so 8 of you are allowed to have an exam the next day. This also goes for study hours. We are required to have a certain number of hours a week, and frankly, they’re a waste of my time. Get used to hearing the…suggestion that you should “volunteer” for any and all events. Here is the rationale: “You should WANT to go. We all did our part and honestly, I made my best friends on coffee dates before mandatory events when I was a new girl.”

You may have noticed, that at every mixer, and date function, there are several sober sisters and sober drivers. You may also have noticed that only one of those sisters is the president, and only one of them is the risk management chair. While this is a necessary precaution for the safety and reputation of the chapter, again… we, the older sisters, and we don’t want to do these things. Of course sororities have so much more to offer than raging, but I’ve already done my part in maintaining that tradition, so I’d like to get shitfaced with my best friends. Please make sure I don’t die, or embarrass myself or the chapter. Thanks.

Most importantly, we are all sisters, but there is a distinct pecking order. Is it annoying that the seniors are invincible? Yes. Are some of them on a power trip? Absolutely. But what you don’t understand is that this organization is the world to them. Don’t come in thinking you’re hot shit because you’ve been around for a month and a half. Don’t get an attitude because you were referred to as “that new girl” and don’t EVER back-sass an older girl. Not to be extreme, but you’ll speak when spoken to. You don’t know what’s best for the chapter, so don’t pretend you do.

With that said…congrats girl! We’re so glad to have you! Get ready for the time of your life!

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co

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