Every week, shit goes down in Hollywood. And the stars have just as much to say about it as we do. So every Friday we’ll explore the ongoings of Hollywood’s elite through the conversations of Hollywood’s elite.
Blue: So, my mom’s pregnant.
North: What am I, new here? I know.
Blue: With twins.
North: How you feeling, Blue bear?
Blue: To be honest, not great.
North: Haha, I figured. I saw that picture where you want, like, nothing to do with Bey.
North: 
North: Hahahahha, this one. I can’t stop laughing.
Blue: NORI!
North: What! I’m not laughing at your misery. I mean, I guess I kind of am. I don’t think it’s funny you’re sad. I think it’s funny how whimsical your ma tryna be, and you’re just like, unbothered. But lowkey hella bothered.
Blue: Is it bad I’m not more excited about all this? Like, does that make me a bad person?
North: Not at all. I think it’s normal.
Blue: I just, you know. I was THE child of the queen. The only one. It was me. And the people loved me. And like, I loved it just being me and my mom and Jay. I really have no interest in having to share my parents with anyone.
North: I mean, I get that.
Blue: And it’s not about the money. You know that, right? People are saying it’s about the money.
North: Of course it’s not about the money. It’s about the attention hahahha.
Blue: Exactly!
North: Look, I don’t think you’re being out of line right now, even though people are going to act like you are. You’ve been sitting pretty on Throne Alone for five years, now, and when you’re only five years old, that’s literally a lifetime. Like, my mom has shoes older than you. And it’s going to take some adjusting to get used to not one, but TWO new baby brothers. I’m assuming they’re brothers.
Blue: Me too, actually! For some reason, I just feel like they’re twin little boys.
North: And if they are, you’ll still have all the attention for being the only girl. And if they’re not, you were still first, and that’s what matters. Because frankly, like, Saint Who?
Blue: Hahahahha, that’s true. I do kind of always forget about Saint. And Reign, actually.
North: It’s normal to feel weird about literally your whole world changing, but nobody’s ever going to forget about THE Blue Ivy Carter. And honestly, it’s kind of nice having a little brother.
Blue: Ugh, but what if they’re girls?
North: Well, then you’ll just have to live the rest of your life listening to people argue about who’s the prettiest.
Blue: …..
North: I’m, like, half kidding. I mean, that will for sure happen, but look at all my aunts. They’re all really gorgeous in their own ways, and have marketed themselves and their brands specifically. They’ve worked with their differences and all still managed to be best friends. It will be fine.
Blue: Okay, I guess you’re right. Was it really that obvious that I was hurting in those pics? Honestly, it was more the fact that they looked like weird Walmart glamour shots than the fact that my mom made me kiss her giant pregnant belly. So fucking cheesy and basic.
North: Ummm, it was a little bit obvious. But don’t worry. Unlike *my* mom, your mom can do no wrong in the eye of the public, so you’re pretty much just being praised for it.
Blue: Trueeee. It’s good to be daughter to the queen..
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
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