A Woman Killed A Guy Because His Dick Was Literally Too Big


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Nice Move

Penis too big

It’s a classic “Romeo and Juliet” story. Man and woman meet on Craigslist for a “casual encounter.” Man accidentally hurts woman’s cervix during sex. Woman shoots and kills man because no one fucks with a boss ass bitch’s cervix.

Isn’t love grand?

Apparently, it all started because Florida woman Jessica Lewis was in the mood for some casual loving. But she didn’t really feel like doing the work of going to a bar, flirting, smiling, asking a guy back to her place, picking up her room, blah blah blah. So, she decided to use the pre-Tinder way of matchmaking and resorted to Craigslist. Upon meeting, and fucking her “casual partner,” Marteese Williams, Jessica started to feel some pain. Like A LOT of pain. So she went to the hospital and was informed that her cervix had been damaged and she might not be able to have children. And what caused this tragic course of events?

Marteese’s giant schlong.

Rumor has it that this thing was massive. So massive that Jessica felt like it was all the dick’s fault. So she went to Marteese’s house and demanded that he pay her hospital bill. Naturally he said something along the lines of “no way in hell.” Jessica then did what any sane woman with a hurt vagina would do.

She shot him three times, killing him (and his giant penis) instantly.

First of all, I didn’t know that a dick could be too big. Second of all, I don’t know if I would kill a guy for having a giant penis. Kill my own morals, maybe. But not necessarily him. But what do I know? I’ve never been faced with such a hard, painful, “how many inches is too many inches” decision.

It’s a scary, eye-opening day for women everywhere. We all want to find that giant penis out there, but that doesn’t mean that the giant penis won’t hurt you. Sure, they give us great orgasms, and the look WAY (and I mean WAY) better than their smaller competitors, but is it worth it? Only you and your cervix can know for sure. Tread carefully, love fully, and never except full penetration right away because otherwise you might be charged with manslaughter and held without bail. Ugh, love is hard. Literally.

[via TranxNews]

Image via Shutterstock

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to: rachel@grandex.co

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