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Countdown To Commencement: The Final Formal

Formal

Formal is the college version of prom, except you can’t get suspended for showing up drunk and you can ask your date via text without hiring a circus clown to make an elaborate proposal. It’s the perfect time to celebrate your hard work this semester by spending the night seeing just how much you can get away with. Every year, you heard the seniors whine about how it’s their last formal and it needs to be perfect, and you just rolled your eyes and showed up where you were told to be in whatever dress your roommate let you borrow. But now that it’s your last formal, you get it. You get why it needs to be at a gorgeous venue. Why you can’t just bring any douchebag that you’ve been texting that week. Why your dress has to be perfect. This is the last night that anyone will see you this dressed up until you get married (or maybe if you’re a bridesmaid, but that’s not as fun to pretend). In just one Instagram post, you will be solidifying your image for the entire chapter. The formal chairs better not fuck this up, because this is your night, no matter how many other sisters are also attending.

It can’t be at any old bar. Renting out one of the local bars has been done before, and there’s a reason it shouldn’t be done again. At last year’s spring formal, standards blew the cover of half of the younger sisters who have been using their fake IDs for the last year. The other half got so trashed that puke was dribbling out of their mouth while they were slumped against their date. You were so excited that you could finally order drinks that you spent most of formal sneaking from the bar to the bathroom to give your little vodka sprites to chug in the stall. Someone needs to teach these ladies respect. That’s why it needs to be at the fanciest country club around. There is a strong, 80-90% chance that you will destroy the chances of any sorority to have their formal at that place ever again, but maybe everyone will realize that they need to keep their shit together for the most part. And if not, it’s your last formal, so who really cares?

If you don’t have a boyfriend, finding a date can be a rough journey. The date to your last formal has to be a very special breed of bro. He’s gotta be good-looking, but he can’t steal your spotlight. He’s gotta be fun, but he has to be able to hold his liquor. He has to be able to make friends with your friends, but not so social that he’ll ditch you. He can’t pressure you into hooking up with him, but you know he’s down if you’re down. It’s all very meticulous. You have to spend time reviewing your roster as well as researching guys outside of your normal “u up?” group. Worst comes to worst, bring your best guy friend that you’ve been promising you’d take, but you kept picking hotter guys over him. You’ll know you’ll have a good time.

The dress. THE DRESS. The dress is the centerpiece of your formal vision. When younger sisters reminisce about the days that you used to be in the chapter, how do you want to be remembered? Are you going go with a cute short dress or a dramatic long dress? Do you want to look sexy or beautiful? Both, obviously. Forget practicality. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t going to be able to walk, eat, or breathe in the dress. If it looks good, then suck it up and suck it in.

Happy formal! May your date be hot, your drinks be cold, and your heels be comfy.

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Ali Hin

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to sratbroTSM@gmail.com or by smoke signal.

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