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Do Not Ever Have The “Relationship Talk,” You Psycho

Do Not Ever Have The "Relationship Talk," You Psycho

I seemingly can’t be with a guy for more than three months, including the hookup phase. I just, I don’t know, I get bored. But that’s another story for another time. Anyway the purpose of this article is to explain why I, as a girl, hate labeling a relationship.

History has shown us that labels screw everything up. Take Drake and Rihanna, the couple who if they got married would have no last name. They were amazing and we all looked up to them and Drake’s amazing VMA speech. Once they put a label on it, it all went to shit. If they can’t make it work in an “official” relationship, who can?

Also, I am 19. I am in college. Why would I want to be “officially” tied down to one person? That makes trying to rack up as many date bar crawl invites hella more awkward and difficult. Unless I see myself ending up with you in the long run (which like, no), what is the point of wasting my time being tied down? I should be free to blackout at as many semi-formals as I wish without any retribution from a man.

Now, this does not apply to your consistent hookup. That’s a good thing. You know what they say about good things? Don’t fuck them up. Don’t start to wonder around the seventh week of y’all banging consistently, “What are we?” You should know what you are for Christ’s sake. You have been his go-to, his booty call, for almost two months. That’s it. You have a label already, so take a seat. The moment you decide to “DTR” (Define the Relationship, or as it’s also known, Destroy the Relationship) is the exact moment when you become “that girl” he talks about with his friends. You know, that girl? The one who he ghosts and then laughs about how delusional you are for thinking two months of consensual booty calls could ever turn into a blossoming romance that ends with a white picket fence and a divorce attorney? Yeah. That one. This is because your relationship was already defined. You’re his hookup, slam piece, whatever you choose to call it. Get over it.

This specifically applies to the consistent hookup who goes above and beyond. The one who sends you more than a blacked “You up?” text. The one who is the Drake to your Rihanna. You have great sex, great conversation and he buys you food. The perfect package. He says you’re the best, you’re the hottest, you’re amazing. You have no label. You think you guys should date? Wrong. Completely wrong. Everyone is entitled to their own wrong opinion, but like I said before, this sounds like a good thing, every girl’s dream, so don’t f**k it up. Do not DTR. You don’t need to. Tell me what you get out of that. Meeting parents? Spending money on gifts? Obnoxious Instagram captions? Sounds like a great time! No, ladies, this is the relationship you want, so stick with it.

We all wanted to be Drake and Rihanna, so why not be? Screw the labels. They mess it all up. You can’t be upset when your consistent man gets with another girl, which sucks. But touché. If you’re not exclusive and not dating, but reap all the attractive benefits of a relationship and being single – keep him around. He’s a good one. Just don’t date him.

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tmarcs

I grew up ugly so I decided to be funny instead.

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