Dieting is hard. Looking good is annoying. Putting yourself together just to leave your apartment to feel bad about yourself is exhausting. Why do we do it? Seriously? The primping, the fasting, the squatting, the tweezing, the tinting, and the makeup application. Ew. Stop. No.
What if there was a way to enhance your natural beauty, make yourself look how YOU want to look, and have flawless makeup without ever leaving your bed? Uh. Hello? Yes please.
Luckily, a diet/makeup/miracle was created and it will make you look FLAWLESS. It’s called Photoshop, and it is actually the best. Sure, sure, it’s gotten some bad press because it makes women feel inadequate, depressed, and have low self-esteem, but come on. That’s just because they don’t know how to use it properly! I mean, normally it would cost me thousands of dollars to have the boobs that I’ve always wanted. I used to have to say no to endless slices of pizza, but now? Now I can stuff my body with harmful chemicals and countless calories, while making the world think that I am, in fact, a size 0 (LOL).
And Photoshop is thousands of dollars. But there’s another, cheaper app out there that will make you look like a tanned, starving, “in no way natural” goddess. God bless technology.
Recently, a video went viral showing the Buzzfeed staff trying out Photoshop’s cousin, Facetune. The Facetune app lets users alter their photographs in a similar way to Photoshop. And if you’re not using it, you’re totally behind.
Have you ever seen a more blatant display of shaming? All Facetune wanted was to help set unrealistic standards for everyone, not just spoiled girls who begged their parents for Photoshop. Finally, a body distorting app was created to help everyone be unrealistically equal, and we’re being little bitches about it. What happened to America?
I mean, how else are we going to achieve flawless results? Diet? Exercise? Good hygiene and personal grooming? Uh, no thanks. I couldn’t look this good if I set actual fitness goals for myself and worked on having a healthy lifestyle. I mean, how the hell else can we look this much like Kim?
See? You can’t even tell! But in all seriousness, these apps really can cause girls to have unrealistic beauty standards. Until I learned about them, I was wondering how all of my friends looked hot AF in their Instagram pics. But now that I know? Sure, I occasionally whiten my teeth and remove a zit here and there. Is it wrong? I don’t know. But that’s not really up to you to decide. It’s up to me. I get to decide if it’s the right thing for me to do, and that’s pretty freaking great.
Because the truth is, we are, unfortunately, living in a world that is all about alterations. Altering our photos to seem “prettier.” Altering our posts to seem cooler. Altering our lives to seem better. And sure, it would be great if Photoshopping pictures was a thing of the past, and we all accepted real beauty. But it’s not there yet. Neither is living in the moment, being true to ourselves, and showing people who we really are, as opposed to the filtered, cool, version of ourselves. So, in the meantime, if having an app that makes your teeth a little whiter, and your acne a little less noticeable also makes you feel a little better about yourself, why the hell not use it if you want? As the great Tina Fey once said,
I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.
Let’s be real: Kim doesn’t even look like Kim before Facetune..
Image via Youtube / The Photoshop Factor