Fail Friday: The BEST Sorority Girl EVER


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Nice Move

Ten real TSM submissions and four (but secretly kind of only like one so don’t get that excited) videos that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Sorry, shower shoes mess up my pedicure. Enjoy the athletes foot, bitch. TSM.

Foot fungus, however, goes great with a pair of peep toe wedges.

Did you cheat on me? Hope you enjoy my poop chip cookies. TSM.

Total Minny Jackson Move.

Using your hangover from Saturday night to vomit all over a GDI Sunday morning. TSM.

If anything other than vodka and grilled chicken caesar salad with dressing on the side is mixed into your bile, then this is NS. Otherwise, it’s acceptable.

Forrest Gump’s mom banging the principle of the school so her borderline mentally challenged son could be admitted. TSM
–North Carolina

I’ve got a hankering that you and Forrest Gump may have something in common, my dear.

I don’t spit or swallow. I save. TSM.

…And use it for the glue that holds together the shrine I built of my not-quite-fratdaddy. I then dress up the model in shack shirts I’ve acquired, and spend the night cuddling it and performing voodoo. On the seventh night of ritual, he will become my boyfriend. Works every time.

Blowing bubbles with his cum. TSM.

Like into the air? Or like with a curly straw like small children do with chocolate milk?

Getting realy super drunk TFM. but getting super high from smoking lots of pot. Because pots are in the kitchen. Duh. TSM
–South Carolina

I feel like murdering you.

A pledge failed to satisfy the sorority, so we all got around her and squirted into her face. TSM


Simultaneous orgasm…your sisterhood has reached a level mine has not. And I’m kind of okay with that.

The entire sorority automatically dislikes your family just because the president is in it. TSM

This must be how Barry O-bam’s family feels.

Went to my frat daddies house, I gave him dome while him and his brothers lifted my legs in the air and escorted me through the house and cheered us on. Then I got in trouble for smoking in the house. TSM
–North Carolina

Eww, you smoke? That’s trashy.

Here is a horrendous four-part tutorial for your viewing misery



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  1. 1

    I was expecting her videos to be some of the best I’ve seen but I’m a little disappointed. All her topics were right on, she just couldn’t make it funny.

    ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago
    • -16

      Well I think all the videos were funny but likely for a different reason than you. Sororities are, as a general rule, pretty fucking stupid institutions. Fraternities foster leadership, problem solving, networking, and general social skills as well as providing an incredible, irreplaceable brotherhood. Sororities tend to foster stupidity, sluttiness, vapidity, and a general sense of pathetic dependence. Why any intelligent, upstanding, eligible female would join such an institution is beyond me. Don’t get me wrong- I love a dumb slut now and again, but those sad men who get roped into a long term relationship or (god forbid) marriage with a sorostitute… woe be to him. Now I’ve seen a few gems in my day- affiliated women that deserve our attention- but not many. Not many at all.

      ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago
    • -22

      On the contrary, Scotch_Neat, every sorority has a philanthropy that they work to raise money for all year, as well as sisterhoods and other events that raise money while creating friendships that last a lifetime. I can only name a handful of fraternities that have set philanthropies they work for. Those terms, “stupidity, sluttiness, vapidity, and a general sense of pathetic dependence” are also descriptions of many guys that join fraternities. If you’re in a fraternity, I assume that you’re not getting a lot of these “dumb sluts” because you don’t know how to show respect to your fellow Greek sisters.

      ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago
  2. -5

    Ok, while some of her attempts at comedy missed the mark (Victoria’s Secret sweatpants = never funny, always tragic), those videos (especially the 4th one!) were overall pretty funny. If you found absolutely none of it remotely humorous, then you probably are the try-hard that she is parodying.

    ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago
    • -13

      Exactly. I take it as a compliment that someone pays enough attention to us to mock us. Yeah, it’s exaggerated, but it’s funny because there’s juuust a hint of truth in it. 🙂

      ^ ThisBless your heartReply • 4 years ago

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