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Fail Friday: Total Stalker Moves

Ten real submissions that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Going to the fratcastle at 12:00am and leaving at 12:07am. TSM
–Kansas

So what you’re saying is, he’s pretty much your boyfriend.

Bonding over mutual fratslams. TSM.
–North Carolina

For me, a mutual boy is grounds for illogical hatred and poorly masked judgmental glares. But I guess bonding over the genital warts he gave you is more civil.

Blackballed my best friend. She’s too annoying to be my sister. TSM
–Texas

LYLAS!! (Except not like an actual sister, because you’re annoying and I don’t want anyone to know we’re friends.) BFFL GIRLLL!!!

I hooked up with a guy, but the next day gave his girlfriend a hug cause she’s real nice. TSM
–Texas

Hugs solve everything.

Separating your family tree into “the fratastic and the geeds” TSM
–Michigan

Nothing like cultivating a social hierarchy based on collegiate affiliations to bond the fam at Grandma’s over Sunday dinner.

Stalking your fratdaddy’s ex just so you can devise a plan to have a better Spring Break body than her. And then missing class to go to the gym. TSM
–Tennessee

Ok. He downgraded. I get it.

Making sure you give VP Membership all your ideas for Recruitment before you disaffiliate. TSM.
–Texas

“As a parting gift, I decided to let you in on my ideas on how to make y’all suck less. Bye.”

Putting your clip-in hair extensions on your frat daddys to see what they would look like with long hair TSM
–Missouri

Did he look like he belonged on the cover of a romance novel geared toward 45 year-old divorces who have sandpaper where their vaginas should be? Did you love it?

When you used your facebook stalking skills to look up all the TFM sweethearts. TSM
–Kentucky

There are 56 of them…I’m just gonna let that one sink in for a minute.

Breaking up with your boyfriend via text and then getting him to make all of his brothers help your sorority dominate a philanthropy competition. TSM
–Louisiana

Congratulations. You dated a spineless, man-child who isn’t worthy of his ball-sack. Good for you.

Love,
TSM Intern

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