You know what really annoys me? The fact that when I have a yeast infection, I have to just let all of that perfectly good fermenting agent go to waste. Like, hello? Can’t we find a way to turn that clumpy, cottage cheese-like surprise into something delicious? It’s the question we’ve been asking ourselves forever, and finally, one totally sane and in no way disgusting woman is saying “hell yes.”
Zoe Stavri an “anarchist, feminist, queer, all angry nasty troll” (her words, not mine), who goes by the name @stavvers on the internet has decided to do just that. Because honestly, it was only a matter of time.
— Another Angry Woman (@stavvers) November 23, 2015
Yeah. There it is. Sourdough using some of her vagina yeast. Beautiful, isn’t it? According to a very long post on her blog she’s actually doing it. She’s turing her yeast infection into a dinner side.
To start, here are the ingredients. From her blog:
1 small Greek coffee-sized cup of plain flour
1/2 small Greek coffee-sized cup of water
As much vaginal yeast as I could scrape off a dildo I put in my vagina–my estimate is that there was about as much of it as would lightly coat a single tine of a fork, and no more.
Mix the ingredients together.
Cover in foil, leave
The next day, “feed” it 1 small Greek coffee-sized cup of flour, 1/2 small Greek coffee-sized cup of water.
Cover it back up
Repeat the feeding
idk what I’ll do next, I’m only on the third day.
It’s a pleasant start, isn’t it. But don’t worry! It gets better. She goes on to explain why she’s doing it and how it’s not “unsafe” or “unsanitary.” According to our lady-scientist,
Any bacteria which lives in your warm soft parts lives there because it likes to be warm. Body temperature warm. It dies outside of that temperature range. However, let’s assume for the sake of argument that my vagina harbours a strain of bacteria that thrives equally in the ~37°C environment of my cunt as it does at the ~22°C of my kitchen, inside a bowl of flour and water. Were this the case, it still wouldn’t matter. I’m making fucking bread. You cook bread. All of the bread will reach the bacteria-murdering threshold of >70°C for long enough to kill anything that had survived.
But despite all of her scientific research and explanations, people are pissed. Using the hilarious hashtag, #cuntsourdough the internet’s outrage is rising even faster than our leading lady’s vagina-dough.
— Wail Qasim (@WailQ) November 24, 2015
what does using yeast from your vagina to make bread have anything to do with feminism at all #cuntsourdough
— sierra.♕ (@adinahuser) November 24, 2015
So a woman is making bread out of her yeast infection on twitter. How serious are YOU about recycling!? #cuntsourdough
— Bitter Chocolate Man (@ILLCapitano94) November 23, 2015
— Kerry (@spiraltastic) November 23, 2015
get your vagina fixed and stop making nasty ass bread #cuntsourdough
— Doggy dawg life (@salmon_snake) November 24, 2015
The reactions are varying from disgusted to inspired, and she’s being called everything from insane to brave. And whether we felt nauseous when we read that she scraped yeast off of her dildo, or we instantly tweeted our support, we all agree on one thing: we need to know what happens. Will is actually turn into bread? Will she eat it? And, of course, how will it taste?
Despite the hate, she says she’s not doing to for any reason other than pure curiosity. It’s not about health or feminism or whatever. It’s just to see if she can do it. Because that makes sense. Still, you know what they say. When life hands you a yeast infection, make sourdough bread out of it. Or something like that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go vomit forever.
I fucking give up..
Image via Shutterstock