Hear ye, hear ye. Their Royal Highnesses the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge hath decreed the that the fairest maiden in all the land need apply post-haste-ness with the, um, most noble and totally awesome something, something, medieval times – okay, fine. I don’t know how to speak Old English. Hopefully that won’t hurt my chances of working for Kate Middleton because, have you heard? She’s hiring.
As reported by Cosmopolitan via People, a job listing in the up-market English publication The Lady was placed by none other than her royal perfection, Princess Shiny Hair Blowout herself. I’ll let you read it below while you begin to envision yourself in a tweed blazer, traipsing through the countryside with Kate, swapping your favorite deep conditioning treatments:
“Housekeeper sought for a large family home in Norfolk. We are looking for someone with previous housekeeping experience, ideally within a large private house, and preferably within a family environment with dogs.
Main duties will include: cleaning all areas of the house to a high standard; caring for and maintaining the home owners’ clothing; cleaning silverware and glassware; purchasing groceries and general provisions for the house; and dealing with deliveries. On occasions, the role will also involve the preparation of meals, assisting with childcare and caring for dogs.”
Sign me the fuck up. “Assisting with childcare” is clearly just code for “squeeze Prince George’s chubby little cheeks all day and dress him in fancy overalls.” I would be amazing at that. Being a nanny is the summer job of choice for sorority girls anyway, so this seems like a great fit. And as for the rest of the boring housekeeper stuff, well, I’ll just hire a maid service. No biggie.
Upon closer inspection, however, I notice that this ad makes no mention about Prince Harry-related duties. So, unfortunately, I may ultimately have to accept another offer where I can put my talents of looking cute in sundresses and photographing well around men who are husband material to better use. Sorry, Kate. Your loss..