Girls Decoded: A Cheat Sheet For Men


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Nice Move

Cheat Sheet

Psst. Hey you. Yeah you, with the dick. Listen up. I feel like girls and guys should stop playing games and be honest with each other. But since that is physically impossible, I have made you a cheat sheet so you know what we girls are actually trying to tell you and you can respond accordingly. It will just make it easier for the both of us.

  • “I’m so fucking chill.” = I am one mistake away from castrating you, big guy. Just try to like that bitch’s Instagram and see what happens. I dare you.
    Correct answer: “I know, it’s the best. Want some wine?”
  • “I’m one of the guys.” = I sometimes sip on beer at parties and I can name more than 10 famous NFL players.
    Correct answer: “You are too pretty to be one of the guys.”
  • “Yeah I know her. She’s in my sorority.” = I have nothing nice to say about this bitch but I am not trying to start shit right now.
    Correct answer: “She seems like a bitch.”
  • “Can you believe he did that?” = This story was a decoy to test your morals. Your answer to this will decide my feelings about your character from here on out.
    Correct answer: “What a dick!”
  • “I don’t care if you talk to other girls.” = Don’t you dare talk to other girls.
    Correct answer: “I don’t want to talk to other girls, babe. There’s only you.”
  • “I love this song.” = Listen to the lyrics of this song because it’s everything I wish I could passive aggressively subtweet at you but it would be too dramatic and obvious.
    Correct answer: “These lyrics are so relatable.”
  • “Who is she?” = Bitch better back off!!!!
    Correct answer: Calmly explain you relationship to her, why she needed to talk to you, and change the subject.
  • “I don’t care what we do tonight.” = If you don’t guess what I want to do tonight, then I will not talk to you for a week. I’ll give you a hint: I have no idea.
    Correct answer: “I’ll have fun as long as I’m with you. Why don’t we go out to dinner at your favorite restaurant and figure it out there?”
  • “I don’t do relationships.” = I haven’t been able to lock down a relationship in over a year and I am desperately trying to do so.
    Correct answer: “I think they’re okay with the right person.”
  • “Does this look okay on me?” = Compliment me.
    Correct answer: Compliment.
  • “Are you sure?” = Compliment me again.
    Correct answer: Compliment ever nicer than the first one.

You’re welcome.

A born and raised Jersey girl, she can always be found covered in sand and pizza sauce. Her personal brand is "that girl." She prefers wine in bottles because she thinks outside of the box. Send fan mail to or by smoke signal.

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