I think men and women should be equal. For that reason, I’m a feminist. No big deal (or big deal, depending on how you want to look at it). At the end of the day, I think we should have equal rights when it comes to sex, our bodies, pay, governmental support, so on and so forth, because we’re all people, you know? I don’t think it’s fair to expect women to look or be a certain way in society. Because of that, I’m a feminist. Now that I’ve made that very blatant point, I want to ask you all something: what the actual fuck is going on? When I logged onto the internet machine today, I was flooded with pictures of ladies, just like myself, with hair growing out of their underarms. I don’t mean like “you forgot to shave for a few days” hair, and I don’t mean one or two people. Bushy AF female armpit hair has arrived, and it. is. everywhere.
They’re calling it #kittenpits, and I kid you not, it’s actually a thing. People are saying that it’s “beautiful” and “liberating” and sure, these woman are gorgeous, I can’t deny that. But honestly? I’m just sitting here with my shaved armpits thinking “gross.” To some, it’s a “step forward” for women in a time of Kardashian level grooming. But is it? Is not shaving the hair under your arms really a step towards all of the things we want? Will not shaving our pits increase our wages? Will it make Planned Parenthood better? Will it change maternity leave standards? Or is it just a PR stunt? Something that has become “cool” like landing strips or kale? Are women doing it because it makes them feel more comfortable, or because they’re conforming to anti-beauty standards?
To me, it’s just kind of gross. I like being hairless. I like feeling like a toddler, or one of those strange, bald cats. I enjoy putting my arms up in the air and seeing nothing but skin. If you feel liberated by having pit hair, cool! Enjoy. But you don’t have to feel “caged” just because you religiously shave. As much as I bitch about pulling out the shaving cream, I can assure you there is no way in hell will you seem me sporting an armpit afro.
So if you think not shaving is a step forward, awesome! Go forth and throw away all of your razors and enjoy having one more patch of hair that you need to shampoo. But remember, just because we have hairless underarms and enjoy feeling like “dainty creatures,” it doesn’t mean that we’re wrong. Or anti-feminist. Or whatever. We can be pruned and plucked and made up and plastic, and we will still be “true women.” It’s not our hair, or lack thereof, that will give us equality. It’s our brains, our hearts, and our desire for change. As for me, I think I’ll keep fighting the good fight by posting passage-aggressive tweets and liking Plan B on Facebook. Now pass me my razor..