Last week, I was gushing to my best friend about the cute new guy who had seemed to take an interest in me. I showed her a picture of us, and she started giggling. After shooting her my signature “what the fuck” snarl, she collected herself and she said, “he is just so your type.”
Up until then, I thought that I didn’t have a type. In fact, I prided myself on my lack of a type. “Yeah he’s tall and funny, but he has long hair,” I countered defiantly. But as she started describing his stand out features, I realized she could be describing him, or the guy before him, or the guy before him, or the guy from the library that I had a hopeless crush on from afar. It was almost embarrassing.
The superficial aspect of having a physical type is restricting. Attraction is extremely important in any relationship, but it isn’t the only thing. When you put your blinders on and either consciously or subconsciously focus only on guys with long hair, blue eyes, facial hair, over 6’2”, dimples, or whatever it is that gets your motor running, you are missing out on the short haired, brown eyed, clean shaven at a respectable height less than 6′ that you could have a serious connection with. Women know first hand what it is like to be judged solely on our appearance as soon as we walk out the door. It’s just as outrageous if someone said they wouldn’t date a woman because she too tall as it would be if a woman wouldn’t date a man because he was too short.
A type isn’t always just a certain look. A type could be referring to the personality. Maybe you always go for the fixer-upper. Or the aggressive douchebag. Or the guy’s guy who unironically chest bumps. Or the quiet, mysterious guy. There are countless personality traits that guys have that they can’t control, just like the color of their hair. Another friend of mine, who is very into traveling and international affairs, met a cute boy at a bus stop. They hit it off right away. They had a great conversation, but as soon as he mentioned that he hadn’t been outside of the state, something in her brain shut him out. Having things in common is crucial, but refusing a person because they don’t check all the boxes is shallow no matter what.
“It’s totally fine, I have a type too. Everyone does. Nothing to be ashamed about. Relax.” My best friend tried to make me feel better, but I couldn’t hear her over the sound of my inner conflict. Was it fine? Was it okay that we are all dating the same person over and over expecting a different result? That is the definition of insanity. It’s hard to believe that such strong, smart, independent women are able to fall victim to the same tricks over and over again. Of all the possibilities in the world, it’s hard to tell if having a type is helping or hindering ourselves. It’s not a bad thing to know what you like, but it never hurts to try something new. But for now, I’m going to see how things go with this long-haired guy. What can I say? I like what I like..