How To Be The Slut That Everyone Likes

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The word “slut” is often tossed around between enemies and friends alike as a derogatory term with no good meaning to it. Being deemed a slut has officially become more offensive that being a liar, a thief, or even a cheater. Sluts are hated, feared, envied, and ridiculed. Why? Well because they’re fearless and are constantly having more fun that everyone else, that’s why. People often confuse their jealousy with hatred when it comes to slut shaming. But what if I told you, you can have your cake and eat it too? What if you could have all the fun without the label? Being promiscuous while still being liked is totally possible, just follow my lead.

You need to have slut-standards.
These are different than regular people standards. Being a slut means you want to get laid as much as possible, but you’ve got to be choosy with whom you get it on with. It’s all about finding the balance that is right for you and your self-worth. For me, every guy I sleep with needs to pass a “background check” and be worthy of entrance to my palace. Whether that mean he’s smart, respectful, funny, hot, just one, or a combination is totally up to you. Just make sure you’re always holding your potential partner to your personal standards.

You need to be the perfect balance of smart and sexy.
It’s important for your quests to know you’re not easily acquired, even if that isn’t the case. This is achieved by being just a tad intimidatingly smart and showing a tad bit of cleavage. This removes any idea that you may be desperate, as you’re not showing too much skin, and being smart causes the loser guys to run. This leaves only the strong, worthy men available for admittance.

You need to be funny.
Like actually funny. Not cute, dumb, corny jokes funny. Witty, creative, “no one can be around you without laughing constantly” funny. It must be the perfect combination of vulgar and amusing. Keep people guessing with every line that comes out of your mouth. Have a comeback on the tip of your tongue before he even finishes his lame pick-up line. You’re not here to mess around. Show him this is strictly business.

You need to be able to laugh at yourself.
So you’re sleeping with a couple guys at once. Or you can no longer count your partners on just your fingers (and toes). Don’t sweat it. Be honest with yourself and those around you will have nothing to judge you for. You like to keep your options open and there’s nothing wrong with that. Makes jokes about your sex life as part of casual conversation and no one will have any shade to throw at you.

You need to know where to draw the line.
A hookup means something different to everyone and that is your (blurry) line to draw. Don’t let every boy you sleep with do that weird thing to your boobs or, dare I say, do #buttstuff. Keep some things regarding sex special for only the special men in your life. Robby from biology doesn’t deserve your superstar blowie. Save those skills for someone really deserving.

You need to be clean.
The minute word gets out that you’ve got chlamydia, it’s game over. Sure, the actual infection is curable, but the reputation you’ve just given yourself is not. You need to have condoms on you at all times and actually use them. Any bro who’s against using the thin lining between safety and syphilis should be left with blue balls.

Unfortunately, it’s eminent that one person at some point is going to call you a slut. Ignore them and leave them to live their judgmental life or simply respond “your boyfriend seems to like it!” Works every time.

Blackout_B (@b_m4rie) enjoys drinking beer by the gallon and making memories she'll never actually remember. When she isn't embarrassing herself by making out with randos on the dance floor, you can find her pretending it's normal to drink a glass of wine with breakfast every day. It's fun to sit down with her on Sunday mornings and hear how fucked up her weekend was. Send inquires about her sanity to: brionna346@gmail.com

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