It’s January, so chances are you’ve been to the gym at least once this month. Whether it be your generic New Year’s resolution, or the impending doom that is the spring break body, you’ve probably written “work out” on your to-do list. But actually working out? Oy vey. What are actually supposed to do in there anyway? Fret not. I’ve got you.
10 Minutes: Warm-Up Stretching
Stretching before you work out is an essential part to any workout, or so I’ve read in fitness portions of magazines. Grab that mat, mark your territory, and get alllll stretched out. Attempt touching your toes without crying as you remember how flexible you once were. Stretch out those arms. Sit with your legs apart, and see how far you can reach. Maybe do some light breathing you learned in a yoga class once.
5 Minutes: Snapchat
It’s important that this step goes after your stretching as you probably aren’t sweaty yet. Make sure to post a photo or video to your story so people know you’re better than they are. If you skip this step, you might as well not have gone to the gym at all.
10 Minutes: Light Jogging (Mostly Walking)
Hit the treadmill with the perfect playlist. You don’t want to start strong and burn out, so make sure to start with a light jog. If that jog turns into a walk, you know, progress takes time.
5 Minutes: Light Running (Mostly Jogging)
Crank the speed up on your tread, and get that blood pumping! Get in a quick run until you work up a mild sweat. Try to push away those terrible memories of mandatory mile runs from high school.
10 Minutes: Elliptical
Just like every stay-at-home mom knows, the key to fitness is the elliptical. The elliptical is great because while it looks like you’re working out, you’re actually accomplishing nothing! Perfect!
5 Minutes: Rest
You just worked out super hard, you deserve a break. Fill up your water bottle, adjust that pony, and side eye the girl wearing spandex and a bra top because that girl is the worst.
5 Minutes: Toning
Go to YouTube and spend several minutes looking through several ab and/or butt challenges. Do the first minute of the video of your choice.
10 Minutes: Cool Down Stretching
Congrats! You’ve finished your workout! You don’t want those muscles to cramp up, so spend several minutes in child’s pose.
And maybe, just maybe you’ll see some progress. Or you could always just download FaceTune instead..