How To Survive A Houseless Recruitment


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Ah, recruitment. Just last year I was 10 pounds lighter, a basic freshman reading all I could about recruitment. Articles on what to wear (don’t you dare wear those boot-cut jeans), how to look (don’t do makeup for working the corner), but most importantly how to act (don’t be ugly on the inside, save that for when your sister finishes the last of your Franzia without asking).

Yet, there were some details that didn’t quite match up. What the hell was a door chant? House tours? With a sinking feeling, I double checked my school’s Greek page…alas, no houses. An arcane law from the 1700s constituted a certain number of women living in a house a brothel in my state. Thanks, Obama.

This meant my dreams of living under big white columns, with beautiful letters proudly displayed outside, all went down the drain like a shitty spray tan. I started to wonder, how in the hell does my school do rush? Almost all the guides online were tailored to schools with Greek rows longer than a Monday Starbucks line.

So here’s the guide that I didn’t have, for all you sorority wannabes sitting at your shiny new MacBooks, unaware about the chaos you’re about to experience. Here’s how to survive houseless recruitment.

Since there are no houses, you will probably be in a large building, like a Student Center, or if you’re lucky enough, a Greek Center. Some schools have suites in dorms for their sororities. Instead of teetering around from house to house in miserable 95-degree weather, the sororities will probably be indoors, and in close quarters. Yay for you! No weather to ruin the hairstyle you spent two hours perfecting, and no walking long distances in your roommate’s slightly-too-small wedges.

Before you call your friends and brag about your school’s obviously superior Greek system, you should know that there are some major drawbacks. Each sorority is going to have their own room filled with anywhere from 50 to 100 girls, in one vicinity, screaming, laughing, and judging. You get the picture. Don’t judge a sorority based on the fact their room was a million degrees and girls were crammed in there like textbooks in a Michael Kors tote. Yes, there may be rooms that are miserable, but do your absolute best to separate the room and the girls. The same logic applies if a sorority has a great room. Some get really good luck and have a beautiful, amazing space– do your best to separate the room and the experience that you had with the girls.

Remember, you will be in a confined space. A cardinal rule of recruitment anywhere is as follows: do not talk shit until you’re in your room, or just don’t talk shit at all. For a houseless recruitment, this is your golden rule, even more so. You’re in the same building as these girls, and there are ears everywhere. My school did a good job when it came to separating us, but freak accidents still happen all the time. Just be careful when talking about anything, especially when you’re in OR around that building. You never know who could be running back to their car or stepping out for some coffee. You don’t want to be dropped just because you couldn’t keep your glossy lips shut for 20 more minutes. Your Greek life director and staff will definitely be there, along with you in that same confined space. Don’t go blabbing to your friends about how great and wild the parties are for a sorority or the hazing of another. You don’t know shit about either, and even if you do, loose lips sink ships lose bids. You don’t know when you’ll need to make a good impression with the Greek life staff.

You’re only a PNM once, so make it count. Be proud of your Greek system and do your best to meet some great girls. Good luck, and try not to fuck it up.

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Friends would describe her as "bubbly" and boys describe her as "the obnoxious one". Find her clumsy ass at her local Lilly store attempting not to spill her Starbucks on the merchandise

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