How To Trick Him Into Being Your Boyfriend


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Nice Move


You like him. Like really, really like him. He’s funny, quirky, and cute. He knows exactly what to say when you’re feeling down, and he makes you smile without even trying. You think about him when you’re not with him, and dream about your future when you’re together. The sex is great but your chemistry? It’s even better. The only problem? It ain’t official. Despite the fact that he seems like your boyfriend, he’s not. So, as the queen of turning casual relationships into serious ones, I’m going to throw a few tips your way. Follow my plan and you might just get that ring by spring.

JK. Don’t be psycho. But hey, you might be able to become FBO. Close, right?

Become Friends, Casually

Funny, the first step towards getting into a relationship is having a relationship with a guy. Who knew? Well, I did. And so did all of the other bitches with boyfriends. Even if your sex is bomb and he makes you giggle, it doesn’t mean that you’re friends. When you hook up, make sure to take some time to get to know each other. Let him pick the movie every now and again, and share that cool band you just heard with him. Grab a six pack of beer when you go to see him and tease him like you would your other friends. The first step in making him want a relationship is creating a relationship without him even realizing it.

Hide Your Annoying Habits

I know this seems a little bit like manipulation, and maybe it is. Who am I to say? All I know is that part of the excitement of starting something new is the mystery. You don’t need to show all of your cards at once. Maybe don’t text him five times in a row when he doesn’t answer. Consider not forcing him to watch some dumb rom-com with you. Try not being a total bitch when he messages a girl in his class to ask for notes. I know you think it’s cute that you like him so much and you want him to see you at your worst. But consider having him commit to you at your best, and then slowly, maybe show him your worst? Besides, maybe it’s time you break those annoying habits after all — I’m looking at you, girl who drunk texts her high school ex fifteen times.

Be Friends With His Friends

Being a girlfriend means having someone to hold your hand during the sad parts of the movie. It’s an excuse to buy couple-y things (hello, his and hers mugs) and it creates the new need to put up with a whole bunch of guys. Hell, maybe even a few *gasp* girls? Dating him doesn’t mean you’re just dating him. You’re dating him, his family, and his friends as well. The family will be something to tackle later, but to go from casual to serious, you need to get in with his friends. Just like you became friends with him, become friends with them (minus the sex, of course). Ask them things about their personal lives. Practice active listening. And when all else fails, alcohol and food usually do the trick. If you can’t buy them with your personality, buy them with a handle of Jack Daniels and some cookies.

Don’t Ask Where This Is Going

But you want to knowwwwwww. I hear ya. But unless you’re 100 percent sure that he feels the same way as you do (he’s not hooking up with other girls, he’s introduced you as his girlfriend, he accidently dropped the “L” bomb) then you should not bring this up. I need you to take a good, hard look at your relationship and figure that out. If there’s any doubt, at all, of his feelings for you, put a cork in it. By having a whiny, needy conversation about your expectations for the relationship, you’re only going to push him away. I know that’s not what you want to hear, and by all means, don’t listen. But when he gets nervous and starts stuttering some bullshit excuse about “liking things how they are” just remember I told you so.

Tell Him You’re Done

So if he hasn’t accidently proposed or whatever, you need to get out. I know I seem crazy. But if you want him to be your boyfriend, you need to tell him that this arrangement isn’t working. Because it’s not. You have feelings for him. You’re reading an article about how to trick him into dating you. Friend to friend? Things are getting desperate. So when you sit him down to say it’s been fun but you’re sort of done, don’t provide the “we should date” out. Let him come to that on his own. If he likes you as much as you think he does, being exclusive will be *his* idea. And when it’s his idea, you come off looking oh-so-casual. And if he doesn’t come to that conclusion and breaks your heart, then fuck him. Not literally. That’s what got you in trouble in the first place.

Change Your Relationship Statuses And Buy Yourself A Ring

You became friends. You became friends with his friends. You’re not annoying and you’re not “needy” and you considered not asking where this was going but then you did and he said he wasn’t looking for anything serious. Bummer. Now you have three options:
1) Hang around until he either changes his mind or he gets bored and leaves you.
2) Leave him because you’re soooo much better than that.
3) Log into his Facebook (don’t lie, you know his password), change his relationship status, put a profile picture as the two of you together, then snag his credit card and go buy yourself a big ol’ ring. He’ll thank you later. Maybe.

Congrats on your new boyfriend or your new restraining order! I think you’ll be very happy together (from a 300-foot distance).

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(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable. Hate mail and puppy videos can be sent to:

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