I Almost Burned My House Down Doing A Pinterest Craft


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Nice Move


It was the week between the end of winter classes and the start of spring semester. I was one of only four people in town and bored out of my mind. So bored that I had already watched an entire season of “Dexter” in less than twelve hours. So bored that I had started scrolling through Pinterest looking for something to craft, with intentions of actually doing it. Now I am not one of those sorority girls who LOVES crafting. I can paint a decent cooler and I’ve crafted a few paddles in my day, but those weren’t particularly enjoyable tasks for me. They were things I had to do for formal and for my little. That’s how you know this was a whole other level of insanity.

While scrolling down the endless pages of pictures and supposedly “easy” DIYs, I came across a post about how to reuse old candle jars. “I have old candle jars! I could use some new jars!” I thought to myself, while also giving absolutely zero thought to what the fuck I would use a bunch of empty jars for. And with that, my fate was decided.

The idea behind it was easy enough. Take your old candle, set it on the stove top and then melt the wax. After that was all done you could just toss the wax away, wait for your jar to cool down and fill it with your random object of choice. Q-tips, candy, Adderall prescriptions that didn’t belong to you, the world was your goddamn oyster. I got off of my couch, dug out that old candle from the back of an empty kitchen cabinet and set it straight on my stove top to melt.

That’s where it all went downhill.

I suppose I turned the heat on my stove up a little bit too high and the candle started melting and smoking. A lot. You would have thought I hot boxed my kitchen. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, I thought to myself. The stupid Pinterest post did not say what to do when your craft catches fire so I had to think quickly.

I grabbed some oven mitts and pulled the hot jar off of the stove and, I kid you not, they caught on fire. Apparently, dollar store oven mitts aren’t all that heat proof. You live and you learn, I suppose. Two things in my kitchen were now on fire and at this point I was freaking the fuck out.

I ran over to my kitchen sink and dropped the mitts in there, glass jar included, and turned on the water. Smoke quickly escaped the confines of my sink and I said a silent prayer to aid in the process. The smoke cleared and finally I could see that the fire was out, but my apartment still smelled like burning polyester and my glass jar was shattered. The world was no longer my oyster, and I had to go buy new oven mitts. I hate crafting now.

My advice to you is simple. When you’re scrolling through Pinterest looking for some crafting to do, stick with painting canvases and pasting glitter on to things. If you learn nothing else from me it’s that you should always stay away from anything involving heat, especially a stove top, but honestly now I’m wary of hot glue guns too.

Also, just spend the $4 on a new damn jar.

The way to my heart is through a gin and tonic, I like cats more than I like people and I aspire to be successful at something, I just haven't quite figured out what yet.

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