If Greek Families Acted Like Real Families


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Greek family

For me, one of the most influential things about joining a sisterhood was being inducted into a pledge family. While my sorority itself certainly has a reputation, the families inside of it make a name for themselves as well. With the help of my charming (read: hideously awkward) personality, a lot of alcohol, and running into my soon-to-be big’s arms while drunk crying, I somehow landed myself in the perfect pledge family.

Fast forward a few months, and suddenly I was back in my hometown, 400 miles away from my sisters and living with my actual family. Gone were the family dates to trendy restaurants, the fam frat party photos, and the endless drunk group texts. My real family — bless their hearts — is more concerned with wholesome family time, board games, and the occasional days of silence following an earth-shattering fight about politics. This got me to thinking: what if pledge families acted like real, flesh and blood families?

The Little

The baby of the family, this girl would be perpetually treated like she is five. She needs a trusted babysitter at all times, especially if she is considering going to a frat. Most importantly, she should steer clear of standards at all costs as to not tarnish the family name. But, as any girl suffering from youngest child syndrome will know, she secretly spends her days raging and hiding boys in her closet. She will fight her big about anything and everything, but won’t pass up the opportunity to get a cute photo with her. Oh, and she is totally spoiled by the rest of her family. Can’t totally hate on being the baby.

The Big

As the family’s newest mom, the big will be constantly worrying about whether or not she’s doing a good job. Is her paddle too glittery? Will her little like the cookies she made her? Is that a gray hair she sees in the mirror? But unfortunately, this anxious attitude will result in her keeping an extremely tight leash on her little. She must attend every frat party with her, be given updates about her whereabouts at all times, and meet any potential hookups or formal dates to give her official seal of approval. She may have a mild wine problem, and she is constantly bragging to others about how talented her little is.

The Grand Big

The grand big of the family is the one who gets away with just about everything. Spoiling the little beyond belief? Done. Offending the entire family, sorority, and school? Duh. Hooking up with a guy from every frat? That’s so junior year. While some may think that grand big has seen her glory days pass, she really is entering her prime years of not giving a shit. She wears exclusively comfy clothes, which includes wearing joggers out to the club. Like any grandma, she probably has a few long-term relationships under her belt but is ready to live things up before she gets too much older.

The Great Grand Big

Ah, the ggbig. Too far gone into her senior year, she is slowly losing her grip on reality. She isn’t afraid to make snarky comments, bitchy social media posts, and basically tell standards to suck it. Because she is the matriarch, the entire family is scared of her, yet treats her with the utmost respect that her age deserves. Ggbig will eventually move into a house full of other girls her age, spend her days talking about the “good ol’ days,” and drinking martinis on the reg. She will eventually be forced to graduate, but she’ll luckily will all of her sorority possessions to her loyal and loving family.

And let’s not forget about those passionate family fights about politics. And by politics, I mean which frat is the best. Guess they aren’t so different after all.

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PSLsandPearls has been shotgunning lattes and looking good since the mid 1990's. In her free time, she cuddles with any animal she can find and incessantly bitches about how busy she is. You can email her at PSLandPearlsTSM@gmail.com (note the single PSL).

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