I’m Terrified To Graduate


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I'm Terrified To Graduate

I graduate in exactly one week. Seven days from today, I will hear my name being called, walk across the stage, and accept the diploma I’ve worked so hard for. I have a new, beautiful dress, the most banging shoes, and freshly highlighted and Keratin treated hair. Everything is going to be perfect, I know that. So I should be excited, right?

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. Not only am I not excited, but I’m terrified. Down to my very core, I’m scared. Another secret? It’s okay that I’m scared to graduate.

If you think about, graduating is the first time a lot of us are facing real uncertainty. We had a plan after high school – go to college, get degrees, get jobs, start a family, and live happily ever after. We thought about all of this in such an abstract sense so the future never seemed real. But now? The future is very, very real.

For the first time in my entire life, I don’t know what is going to happen and it scares the shit out of me. I can’t make plans because I have no idea where I’m going to be living in the next three months. I have no idea which of my friends I’ll actually keep in contact with. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m going to enjoy my chosen career path.

There are so many variables at play, so many uncertainties, that at times it can get so overwhelming. I’ve always thrived on being the confident, fearless one, on always being a step ahead of everyone else. So the fact that there are so many unknowns is really fucking with me, and it’s probably fucking with a lot of you too.

But here’s the thing, this uncertainty is really a blessing. We are early twenty-somethings and we have our entire life ahead of us. Before now, we’ve been stuck in this weird stage between childhood and adulthood. It was awesome, don’t get me wrong. But it wasn’t real life. Our real life is just about to start and it’s going to be a whirlwind.

We’ve been taught that there is an order to how our life should go and we’ve accepted it. The only problem is that the future isn’t far away anymore, in a place where we can avoid it and the responsibilities that come with it. It’s right here, right now. Within the next month, a lot of us are going to see four (or five) years of dedication pay off. We should all be proud of ourselves because honestly, we deserve it. Yes, to some degree, we are all probably a little bit scared. However, instead of running away from that fear and uncertainty, let’s embrace it. After all, this is our chance to make something of ourselves, to become our own person, and to start building the life we want. This uncertainty is a blank slate for us to shape our future into whatever we desire. Yes, that’s fucking terrifying, but it’s also empowering.

So yeah, maybe I am scared to graduate but that’s okay because whatever happens next is the start of the rest of my life. And when you think about it, that’s pretty effing awesome.

Champagne Showers is a contributing writer for TSM. She is your typical Northern Diva. If curse words, sexual content, and drug use offend you, then bless your heart. CS will continue living the life you're too scared to live. email her at: champagne_showers@outlook.com

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